Let me count the ways.
Naked? Check. Drunk? Check. Staggering down a public highway? Check. Leg on fire? Check.
From a journalistic angle, I question the use of the words "friends" and "victim" in this context. "Intoxicated yahoo" and "even more intoxicated yahoos" would have worked better. I also think the phrase 'dumb as fungus" needed to be employed somewhere in the report.