This is embarrassing

Embarrassing, that is, because it shouldn't be this easy. I'd like to think that all of my teenagers could have passed this long before graduation.

You paid attention during 100% of high school!

 

85-100% You must be an autodidact, because American high schools don't get scores that high! Good show, old chap!

Do you deserve your high school diploma?
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As a side note, I actually don't have my high school diploma. I graduated all right, by the skin of my teeth, but my diploma was withheld pending payment of a library fine. Now I've had a lot of books overdue in my time, and if I'd had this one out I would have paid the fine, but I can say for a certainty that I never checked out The Scarlet Letter during my junior year. Nevertheless, the librarian (in true school librarian fashion) was unyielding, and wouldn't take my word for it. She's 71 now and presumably retired (I haven't seen her in twenty years), so I guess we're at an impasse. But dagnabbit, I deserve the diploma anyway, and now I have the score to prove it.

Oh. My. Word.

I literally couldn't stop gaping at this. How on earth do you set something like this up? At least dominoes have a flat side. But coins!!

I could think of more practical uses for 10,000 quid, but none more elegant. H/T to the delightful Miss C.

Phooey!

All right, pooches, you win. This time. But there's still next year.

Now get off the couch and for heaven's sake stop licking yourself there!

An Apple Cup Prayer

Reposted from November 2005:

My friends, this being the Apple Cup weekend, let us all join in prayer for our mighty Cougar warriors, that they might by their God-given superiority prevail over their perfidious foes. Let us also pray for the conversion of the pagan Huskies, that just as God will change their mourning into dancing, so may He change their purple and (fool's)-gold into holy crimson and grey. And finally, let us pray for the poor benighted heathen who are misled into rooting for the foul curs, that they might see the error of their ways and become true Wazooites in heart, if not in alumni affiliation.

Those who will not so pray, let them be anathema, as they are no better than Seattle coasties themselves, and perhaps (gasp!) not even Washingtonians and so not salvable even by the grace of a merciful Crimson-and-Grey-wearing God.

Amen, and go Cougs!

Gives a whole new meaning to "going stag"

Okay, maybe it's not a crime, but it sure is yucky. Next time you complain that we have too many laws in this country, bear in mind that there wasn't one in place specific enough for this sicko to break.

Update: I hadn't realized the link required registration. Go to Bugmenot.com for a login.

An animated parable

I don't see this the way Mark Shea does, as a "lesson for postmoderns" in the inexorability of natural laws. Rather, it reminds me of the Parable of the Pearl of Great Price. I don't think the bird is in denial here, I think he just wants something so badly he's willing to take the consequences to have it just once. Which is how we ought to desire God, and (I, at least) so seldom do.

Caption contest

All right, it's not my caption contest; it's one going on over at Ship of Fools. But there are some wonderful ones:

The lucky Calvinist knew the simplicity of mating by predestination...

Now, THAT is what I call 'irresistable.'

No, honey, I didn't say I was Elect, I said I was ... oh, whatever.

Oh baby, you bring out the total depravity in me like nobody ever has before.... Can you feel it too?

Get in touch with your inner smart-elbow and see if you can come up with some more. If you really are a Calvinist (are you still reading, Pilgrim?), give yourself double points for being able to laugh at yourself.

Pastors on crack

That's the only explanation I can find for some of these church signs. Is it really necessary to hawk Jesus like he was a used Honda?

Rosie got something right

At least, Pastor Mike finds some unintentional truth in Rosie O'Donnell's blather about fearing "Radical Christianity":

If radical Christianity took root in this country it threatens our way of life and the underpinnings of this great nation....

Let's look at the potential damage a bit closer:
Radically following the person and teachings of Jesus would erode materialism and obliterate a financial system that is derived from leveraging debt over and over again.
Radical Christianity would cause millions of jobs to be lost as prisons became nearly vacant, court rooms had no backlog, hospitals didn't have many sick, and peace officers across the country are laid off because crime rates drop to a ridiculous level.
Marraige counselors would be broke as repentance and humility and honesty took root in families across this great nation...

Go read the whole thing. Then let's go live it, and show Rosie and her ilk what there is to be afraid of.

Yep. That's about what happened.

H/T to Pastor Jeff.

Here's a thought to take with you into the weekend

Pervert seduces 12-year-old girl, then lives undetected in her bedroom for three months.



Apparently the vermin had hollowed out a space under the girl's bed and hid out under there.

Sleep well, parents!

More visual aids

This kind of puts the whole embryonic stem cell thing into perspective, I think:

Hat tip to Pr. Paul McCain.

I guess that's a silver lining

Emily managed to find something good in the election results:

The good news about Democrats taking the House is that we won't have to endure months and months of lawyering over election fraud and imagined disenfranchisement. Because when Republicans win, it's only by acts of thuggery and abuse. When Democrats win, it's because The People™ have spoken.

What she said.

The day after

Reagan announced in 1981 that it was "morning in America." Well, it's morning again, but this time with a hangover that will last for years. Our country is now run by people who believe that it's not only permissible but actually preferable to slaughter the unborn, the elderly and the infirm; who would abandon the Iraqis to a theocratic power vacuum and gloat at the deaths of soldiers; and who would demand that religions that hold to traditional marriage abandon their beliefs or pay the price. We are at the mercy of a party for whom mercy is at best a joke and at worst an abomination.

God help us, because the electoral process has not.

Today's the day!

Remember: If you don't vote, you can't bitch.

Worth a thousand words of apologetics

Found on Crossed the Tiber, along with a plethora of other good stuff.

"The ketchup bottle you rolled in on?"

Warning: Extreme language alert!

Over at It Comes in Pints?, there's a weekly tradition called the "Friday [Fornincate]-Off Thread," where you can get in touch with your inner mouth-foamer and release all your anger at anybody you choose. Now, I'm moderately skilled at the use of profanity, but the folks that post there are out-and-out masters of the art. In particular, Val Prieto of Babalu Blog launched into John Kerry this week in such blistering terms that I just had to reproduce it here verbatim. (My very humble apologies to anybody who has a problem with the language. I usually keep it clean, but editing this would destroy the whole effect.)

To that Senator from Massachusetts - no, not the drunk fat rat bastard, the other skinny YOU RANG? LURCH looking one - that exemplifies the definition of arrogance and hubris and condescension and who saw fit to denigrate men and women in the Armed Forces that have more honesty, courage, integrity and dignity in a pinky nail clipping than you have in your whole entire wrinkled sorry excuse for a body: FUCK THE FUCK OFF YOU FUCKING WHY THE LONG FACE? MONSTER LOOKING, MONEY MARRYING, VIETCONG ASS KISSING WHILE MEN WERE STILL DYING IN VIETNAM, FALSE CONGRESSIONAL TESTIMONY GIVING, FORM 180 SERVICE RECORD HIDING SNIVELLING PURPLE HEART FOR A MOSQUITO BITE RECIEVING COMMIE ASS KISSING POLITICAL OPPORUNIST DOESNT EVEN HAVE THE BALLS TO STAND BY WHAT HE BELIEVES OR SAYS MOMTHERFUCKING FUCK OF FUCKING FUCKHEAD FUCK MOTHERFUCKER. No, seriously, FUCK YOU JOHN FORBES FUCKING KERRY AND THE FUCKING KETCHUP BOTTLE YOU ROLLED IN ON.

Whew! How cathartic is that? Extra points if you can read that whole thing without coming up for air.

The contrast

This just about sums up the level of discourse between right and left:

Liberal gesture to Bush
Conservative gesture to Kerry

And yet liberals honestly believe we're their intellectual inferiors.

First snow...

... just started coming down a few minutes ago.

This is part of why I like living in central Washington. Although it's been years since Moses Lake had a really snowy winter, there's still a charm about the first flurry of the season. It's not sticking yet, and I'll be surprised if it does this time, but it's still fun to watch through the window. Preferably with a fire and a hot cup of something.

Update: Rats! It's morphed into plain ol' freezing rain. Ah, well, for one bright shining moment...

Feeling my age

It just occurred to me, listening to the reporters in this newsroom (average age about 24), that I still think of "chill" as strictly a transitive verb. Which makes me a geezer.

Sigh.

Blogroll addition

I'd like to welcome to the blogroll Dani, of Life in 3D, who's a homeschooling stay-at-home mom, an old friend and a helluva writer with some really good things to say. You'll find her link under "Prods" in the sidebar. Mosey on over and say "hi." (Maybe this will make her blog more frequently.) :)

Spam zen

Every once in a while I actually look at one of the spams that show up in my inbox, not because I have the slightest interest in whatever they're hawking, but to see the random text they use for filler. There's some interesting meditative possibilities in it.

Today's Spam Zen: When you see the chess board, it means that the insurance agent self-flagellates.

Now, what shall we make of this? Let's consider first the chess board. What does it represent? At first glance it's an icon not only of war, but of coolheaded, measured warfare. It's war as fought by the generals, not by the dogfaces in the trenches. By men whose personal courage may have already been tested – probably they would willingly stand in harm's way, and most likely did in their youth – but who have nevertheless been relegated to a swivel-chair and a duty less physically dangerous but harder on the soul: that of ordering younger men to die, and figuring out how to extract the most good from their deaths.

Moving to the next part of the sentence, what has the insurance agent done that he should so mistreat himself? Has he cheated his clients? Has he cost his employers by speaking truthfully to his clients, sinning through virtue? Or is there some secret sin in his private, non-insurance life for which he must atone?

Let's assume it's related to his profession. Insurance agents serve the function of insulating people from risk. Chess, like war, is by its nature a give-and-take of risk and sacrifice. One trades one's pawn for a queen, and occasionally gambles on one's opponent failing to discern one's plan. It's not too hard to draw a connection here between the chess board and an insurance agent in distress.

But one question remains: Why is it that the salesman's self-punishment only becomes known when you see the chess board? Surely he was aware of its presence all along, and it appears that he's been whipping himself already, independent of your perception. Moreover, why should you be looking for indications that the salesman is practicing his self-sadism? Is it perhaps a Schrödinger's Cat phenomenon, wherein he either is or is not self-flagellating until the chess board is seen, at which time the waveforms resolve themselves into one or the other? That seems the most likely explanation, albeit one that leaves open several more questions. At what point does the insurance agent let up on the whipping? Does he tire, or grow weak from blood loss, or merely continue until he dies? Is his self-torture affected by the arrangement of the pieces on the board? And if so, what does he do at checkmate?

Let's make a meme out of this. I charge you, O faithful readers, to take a random line from your spam and squeeze it like a used tea bag for insights. (Keep it clean!) I'm tagging Patrick, Hindu, Ms. Kitty (hers ought to be really interesting), and Ken. And, as always, my Lovely and Brilliant Wife.

St. Crispin's Day

I had completely forgotten that Wednesday was St. Crispin's Day until Ken mentioned it yesterday. Because it's Friday, and because I literally can't read this without a lump in my throat, here's the St. Crispin's day speech from Henry V:

This day is called the feast of Crispian:
He that outlives this day, and comes safe home,
Will stand a tip-toe when the day is named,
And rouse him at the name of Crispian.
He that shall live this day, and see old age,
Will yearly on the vigil feast his neighbours,
And say 'To-morrow is Saint Crispian:'
Then will he strip his sleeve and show his scars.
And say 'These wounds I had on Crispin's day.'
Old men forget: yet all shall be forgot,
But he'll remember with advantages
What feats he did that day: then shall our names.
Familiar in his mouth as household words
Harry the king, Bedford and Exeter,
Warwick and Talbot, Salisbury and Gloucester,
Be in their flowing cups freshly remember'd.
This story shall the good man teach his son;
And Crispin Crispian shall ne'er go by,
From this day to the ending of the world,
But we in it shall be remember'd;
We few, we happy few, we band of brothers;
For he to-day that sheds his blood with me
Shall be my brother; be he ne'er so vile,
This day shall gentle his condition:
And gentlemen in England now a-bed
Shall think themselves accursed they were not here,
And hold their manhoods cheap whiles any speaks
That fought with us upon Saint Crispin's day.

Here's a dilemma

What's a pro-abort to do when this happens?

COLVILLE, WASH. - A Stevens County man accused of trying to hire a hitman to kill his unborn child pleaded not guilty on Tuesday.

Charles Young, 18, of Suncrest northwest of Spokane, was charged with solicitation to commit first-degree murder and solicitation to commit first-degree manslaughter.

Prosecutors allege Young offered an undercover officer posing as a hitman $3,250 to injure his 17-year-old ex-girlfriend so badly that her nearly full-term fetus would die...

Young said he wanted his ex-girlfriend beaten in the stomach sufficiently to cause the death of the fetus and that he wouldn't mind if she also perished, the sheriff said.

The murder solicitation charge relates to the ex-girlfriend, who was eight months pregnant, while the manslaughter solicitation charge relates to the fetus, prosecutors said.

Okay, so it's a little weird that he's charged with attempted murder against the girlfriend when nobody is asserting that he intended to kill her (he simply didn't care if she was collateral damage). But you can't charge him with attempted manslaughter against something that's not a person. Vandalism, maybe. Possibly even animal cruelty, although even that would establish the baby's right to live.

So where will the pro-aborts line up? Will they cheer to see this guy sent up for trying to have a woman beaten up? Ordinarily, yes, they would. But I will bet a silk pajama that if it comes down to a choice between nailing an abuser or allowing an unborn baby to have rights, the pro-deathers will side with the man. Sure, abuse of women is a bad thing, but it's still better than preventing abuse of the unborn. There are priorities, after all.

Give us Barabbas!

Book meme

My painted, tainted, sainted aunt tagged me with this meme. Sorry it took so long, but I... well.. I sorta have... a life.

1. One book that changed your life?
I'm tempted to say "Mere Christianity," because I read that as a teenager and it was the first time I had actually had any of my questions regarding Christianity answered. I suspect I probably would have become a practicing Christian as an adult anyway, though, just out of kind of a spiritual inertia. I had been raised with certain Christian assumptions, after all, and I never really dropped them even when I was seriously questioning them. I suppose I had been looking for an excuse to believe what I had been taught.

But the book that jolted me out of my rather shallow Protestantism and into serious study of historic Christianity was The Way by Clark Carlton, a Protestant-turned-Greek Orthodox Christian apologist. It was a bit of a shock to realize that the Baptist Protestantism I was raised believing was kind of a stripped-down version of a faith that had not only begun in the first century but had continued uninterrupted. As Carlton put it, the Church is still at Corinth.

2. One book you have read more than once?
That would be most of the ones I've read, actually. I'm a terrible one for rereading. The one currently by my bed is John the Balladeer, a collection of Manly Wade Wellman's wonderful forays into Appalachian mythology.

3. One book you would want on a desert island?
A guide to boatbuilding with minimal materials would be appealing. But I don't think that's what the memestress had in mind. I suppose I should say a Bible, but if so, it should be one of those interlinear ones with originals and various translations.

4. One book that made you laugh?
Almost anything by George MacDonald Fraser. I'm seriously addicted to his Flashman series, but by far his funniest was The Pyrates. Anybody who enjoys the old swashbuckling movies will want to glut themselves on that one.

5. One book that made you cry?
My Daddy was a Pistol and I'm a Son of a Gun, by Lewis Grizzard. No further comment.

6. One book you wish had been written?
At one time there was a two-volume biography of Robert Heinlein planned, but I haven't heard anything about it for several years now. I wish that had been written. (Not that I've given up hope.)

7. One book you wish had never been written?
My auntie, who tagged me for this, mentioned The Protocols of the Learned Elders of Zion as one possibility. I have to disagree with that. (As my PC readers gasp and create a suction to rival a jet engine, let me make it worse by admitting that I actually have a copy.) The Protocols only collected in one place what was "common knowledge" at the time. (That it was a forgery didn't make a lot of difference; it would simply have been called "truthy.") The long-term result of the propaganda was a Holocaust that galvanized the Jewish people like nothing else could have. Had there been no Holocaust, it's entirely possible that world Jewry might have been whittled down by attrition, from pogrom after pogrom, or assimilated into the cultures around them. Zionism was kind of a faddish thing among a few "intellectuals," not a policy anybody paid a lot of attention to.

But after the horrors of the Nazi extermination, the Jews that were left became determined that nobody – but nobody – was going to make victims of them again. Much of the rest of the world rallied to the Jews' side and made it possible to establish a nation, a single corner of the world where (as one writer put it) the word "Jew" would never be a slur. Today, no country on earth is so ready to fight for its survival as Israel, and the Chosen People are unlikely ever to be wiped out.

So what book do I wish had never been written? How about the Koran? With no waves of Islam, the Middle East would still be Christian, and I suspect that the Protestant Reformation could have been averted as well. One of the reasons that the Church was in such desperate need of housecleaning was that so much of the leadership's attention was being absorbed by successive Muslim assaults on Europe. The Spanish Inquisition grew out of the expulsion of Jews and Muslims from Spain, which probably wouldn't have happened had the peninsula not been under Muslim domination for several centuries. (I don't know if the East-West schism would still have occurred, but it might have been easier to reconcile without the barbarian literally at the gates.) Imagine a world with no 95 Theses, no Institutes of the Christian Religion, no Black Legend. And no foaming fanatics eager to strap on a bomb belt and die with an honor guard.

8. One book you are currently reading?
Currently I'm reading – and enjoying thoroughly – Forgotten Kingdom, a history of Utah during the years between the first settlement in the Salt Lake Valley and the extension of US control over Utah in the 1850s. The Mormon "Kingdom of Deseret" was a virtually autonomous theocracy during that time, and the society they created is a fascinating historical study.

9. One book you have been meaning to read?
Well, I've been wrestling with Aquinas' Summa Theologica for years, and every so often I tackle it again. Someday I'll get through it. I've also got a copy of Mein Kampf in the original that I've been meaning to read. (Pause while readers resume breathing normally.) The little bit I've read creeps me out about as much as The Turner Diaries did. But my German is really rusty, and I don't want to read a translation because God knows what a translator has done with it. If I'm going to read something so socially poisonous, I at least want to know what it really says. So it's slow going.

I'd also like to read some St. John of the Cross, which shouldn't be too difficult because my Lovely and Brilliant Wife has it all over the house. (Hint: notice her blog title.) But somehow every time I try, my head spins. I'm ot what anyone would call a mystic, and John confuses me. Oh yes, and I'd like to read St. Augustine's City of God. He's my patron, and I feel bad not having read more of him.

Okay, I'm inflicting this on Pastor Paul, Pastor Doug, Pastor Jeff, Pastor Mike (whenever he gets back from lolling around in Hawaii), and Father Sam. Let's see what the clergy read.

And of course, the love of my life.

Is it just my imagination...

... or do stories like this and this seem to show up more during October?

Warning: The second link is pretty grody. Don't try to read it at lunchtime.

"He never took his eye off the grenade"

CORONADO, Calif. - A Navy SEAL sacrificed his life to save his comrades by throwing himself on top of a grenade Iraqi insurgents tossed into a sniper hideout his unit had discovered, fellow members of the elite force said.

Petty Officer 2nd Class Michael A. Monsoor had been near the only door to the rooftop structure Sept. 29 when the grenade hit him in the chest and bounced to the floor, said four SEALs who spoke to The Associated Press this week on condition of anonymity because their work requires their identities to remain secret.

"He never took his eye off the grenade, his only movement was down toward it," said a 28-year-old lieutenant who sustained shrapnel wounds to both legs that day. "He undoubtedly saved mine and the other SEALs' lives, and we owe him."

This is how a man dies. I don't care how you feel about the Iraqi occupation;read and be humbled.

And the cat came back

I'm not one of those hamfisted tough guys who advocates the noose for jaywalking, but I have to admit this sounds like a good idea.

A MAN convicted of trying to rape an 83-year-old woman was sentenced to eight lashes with a cat-o'-nine-tails, a punishment used by the British Navy in the 18th century and reinstated in the Bahamas 15 years ago.

Altulus Newbold, 34, was sentenced on Saturday to 16 years in prison after being found guilty of burglary, attempted rape and causing harm.

Justice Jon Isaacs ordered that he receive four lashes of the whip at the start of his sentence and four upon his release, but suspended the punishment for three weeks pending a possible appeal.

The cat, a whip made of knotted cords, leaves flesh wounds and is used on the offender's back by a prison guard.

It was outlawed in the Bahamas many years ago, but reinstated in the former British colony in 1991 in the face of rising crime.

This, to me, is the biggest argument in favor of it:

Former assistant police commissioner Paul Thompson said the cat was always considered an effective form of punishment.

"A long-serving prison governor told me that prisoners who received the cat never returned to prison. He considered it the ultimate deterrent," Mr Thompson said.

Reducing prison populations without having to execute seems like a good idea to me. A whipping might be painful enough to keep people from wanting to risk it again, but it's not permanent, and it's less likely to be tied up in decades of appeals. I know it's not a cure-all, but we might give it a try.

Amen!

I'm not going to embed it; you'll have to go look. But it seems Ken at It Comes in Pints? feels the same way about Fred Phelps' pack of dirty-eared inbreds as I do.

Really?

Says here that the pope may have signed a universal indult to bring back the Tridentine Mass. Does anybody know more about this? (The Times isn't notoriously careful about religion reporting.)

The Pope is taking steps to revive the ancient tradition of the Latin Tridentine Mass in Catholic churches worldwide, according to sources in Rome.

Pope Benedict XVI is understood to have signed a universal indult — or permission — for priests to celebrate again the Mass used throughout the Church for nearly 1,500 years. The indult could be published in the next few weeks, sources told The Times...

The new indult would permit any priest to introduce the Tridentine Mass to his church, anywhere in the world, unless his bishop has explicitly forbidden it in writing.

Of course, I wonder how much difference this will make, with the last generation of priests who know how to celebrate the Tridentine rite dying off.

Mel Gibson haikus

Apparently ol' Mel hasn't yet lived down getting snockered, shouting about Jews running the world, and calling a female cop "Sugar Tits." Is "being mocked in haiku" one of the twelve steps?

Some of the better ones (be ready for language):

Mel wanted to be
Ted Kennedy, but instead
was Jerry Falwell

Mel is drunk again
Screaming like a Nazi twit
Passion of the Cops

Now apologize
For making us all look at
Your ass in Braveheart

Face it, sugar-tits
Point-one-two is not that drunk
You just hate the Jews

Wait, don’t let me out
Of jail yet. I still haven’t
Slagged off the faggots.

Did I say “the jews”?
the tequila slurred my words…
meant to say “fruit chews”

King of Malibu
pull over and enjoy your
own crucifixion

Anybody have any to add?

Is that what "sacking the quarterback" means?

The usually ho-hum race for Wisconsin secretary of state is being spiced up by one candidate's naughty tell-all book about her bed-hopping exploits with Green Bay football legends during the team's glory days under Vince Lombardi in the 1960s.

Sandy Sullivan, a 65-year-old Republican with no political experience, self-published a gushing memoir in 2004 titled "Green Bay Love Stories and Other Affairs" in which she claims she was the girlfriend of Green Bay Packers Paul Hornung and Dan Currie, deflected a pass from Hall of Famer Don Hutson and was on the receiving end of a saucy comment from Richard Nixon.

If the book is to be believed, the Packers did a lot of their scoring off the field, and Sullivan got her share of playing time.

Why am I not surprised...

...that the person who found me on this search was surfing from UC Davis? There's the rest of the world, and then there's Northern California. (Now I've done it; my Californian wife is probably already getting the couch made up for me.)

Speaking of my LaBW

She'll know all of these. I'm no expert (whereas Christina is), but I found I knew a few of them myself.

H/T once again to Miss Cellania.

Some things a fire can't erase

My Lovely and Brilliant Wife will understand why I posted this. Someday I hope I can see it with her.

The Carnival is up

I didn't get around to submitting a post to this week's Catholic Carnival, which is a disappointment because the theme this week is the Rosary, which I've just been rediscovering. If you read nothing else, you absolutely must read this article on the Battle of Lepanto, where those little strings of beads may have been the reason we're not bowing toward Mecca today.

But she's a woman, so it's her civil right

All this woman did was take more literally than most what uterofascists have maintained is their right anyway: to treat babies – and everybody else – any way they see fit.

Being a woman means never having to be told "no." And only a men's rights sexist would question it.

This land is whose land?

This cool animated map shows the successive empires that have passed the Middle East around like a bottle in a brown bag for the last 5,000 years. Kind of puts today's conflicts in perspective. This, too, will pass.



A tip of the kaffiyeh to Julie.

I coulda been a contender

You most resemble Marlon Brando You are very smart, and very talented, although you don’t really enjoy social company. You prefer to live alone, go to movies alone, cry alone in the corner... Take this quiz at QuizGalaxy.com

H/T to the unrefusable Miss C..

Fighting down waves of nausea

A guest post at The Dawn Patrol:

I'm a man, so I'm not supposed to have an opinion about abortion. Instead, let me tell you about the wonderful morning I had yesterday, taking my 2-year-old daughter Dot to speech therapy and physical therapy. Her major interest right now is reciting the colors (which she does in English and American Sign Language, yet) and reciting the names of her boyfriends in her early start toddler class ("Edgerrrrr! Androooo!") and informing me they wear "backpacks." She waved at everyone she saw that day with a cheery "Hello!" and smiled a gap-tooth smile under her mop of red hair. They smiled and waved back. What a cutie!

Oh, sorry — she has Down Syndrome. Reboot. Let me try again:

Bringing her to term was obviously a big mistake! What a tragedy SHE is! How inconvenient for everyone involved! We can't possibly get her into advanced placement classes, or an Ivy League college! What'll we say to our neighbors? Better off just to make the "hard decision" to get rid of her. Ignore my first paragraph. Just forget I said anything ...

I'm really having a hard time coming up with words to describe my incredible anger. Pro-deathers like to describe abortion as "a hard decision," but the fact is, it's the lazy-ass way out. Particularly in this case. Let's face it; the women who will abort a DS child aren't scared teenagers who dare not give birth. They want children, just not this child.

So these lovely, sweet human beings are squashed like spiders because they're just too much trouble to keep. Hard decision, my big hairy butt!

I'm going to have trouble not throwing up for the rest of the day.

I hadn't noticed...

... that October was the Month of the Rosary until Julie and Sarah both mentioned it. Kind of fits in with the last post, doesn't it? I think I know what I need to start doing on the way to work in the mornings.

Prayer works, believe it or not

Back in July, I asked for prayer for Mike's father, who had cancer. Turns out it's been answered beyond all expectation. At least any expectation of mine.

I e-mailed Mike the other day to ask how things were going, wonderinng if it was time to start praying for his soul instead of his healing. Mike's answer (posted with his permission):

Nope... he is actually doing great. In fact it is quite miraculous how well his is doing. What is more, he gave his life to Christ in my church about a month ago... walked up to me crying after service and said he prayed the prayer with me and I can see the change in his life already. Thank you so much for praying for him... God has certainly listened and responded.

I wrote back:

This business with your dad has been a smack-in-the-gob reminder of something that we're constantly being told but that I have a hard time believing: prayer works. It really does. Yet I know I've been disappointed so often in praying that I had come to believe in the back of my mind that it only works for other people. You know, the sort of people who announce to the world that their prayers for the most unlikely things have been answered, and hint loudly that if we would just pray more, or better, our cars will run better, our children will grow up right, and our toenails will cease to be ingrown. I'm not even talking about the prosperity gospel, name-it-and-claim-it bunch; they're comparatively straightforward. I mean the people who are more-prayerful-then-thou, whose eyes naturally fall into a gaze-toward-heaven position. You know the kind I mean.

But when I pray, it always seems like that's God's cue to do exactly the opposite. "You think you've got troubles NOW? You just watch!" I know intellectually that that's not what happens, but emotionally it's hard sometimes to see effectual prayer as anything more real than Santa Claus.

In your dad's case, I did something I'd gotten out of the habit of doing: I prayed the rosary. I went into it with the same lackluster trust in the power of prayer that I've had for several years, and it didn't make any difference. The prayers were still answered.

The thing I have trouble remembering about prayer is that its efficacy isn't dependent on how good I am at it. In praying the rosary, I asked the strongest prayer warrior in Heaven for her help in praying. But if she hadn't been there, if it had just been me, God and a string of beads, I still wouldn't have been praying alone. God is always at the other end. Even the beads would have been optional at most.

And there's my dirty little secret. Even when I pray, I don't really think it's going to do much good. Fortunately, God ignores my bad attitude and takes the prayers at face value. Prayer works, in spite of me.

Thanks to everybody else who prayed, particularly Julie, who posted the request on her blog. And especially, thank you, Blessed Mother. I'm sorry I doubted you. Praise the Lord!

Blogger Beta thingy

Has anybody else tried this "Blogger Beta" they keep pitching every time I publish a post? Is it really as whiz-bang as they make it sound, or is it something us lead-pencil types should steer clear of?

This is humbling

Some of us try to act like Christians. And then, there are those who really, actually, do it.

They accept these tragedies as the will of God, an approach to life they call yieldedness, Mr. Shachtman said. He said this helped explain why the Amish interviewed after the shooting in Nickel Mines, Pa., sounded more resigned than angry. They are pacifists, and some spoke of the need to forgive the killer.

In one sign of their approach to tragedy, Amish residents started a charity fund yesterday not only to help the victims’ families but also to help the gunman’s widow. [Emphasis mine.]

“This is imitation of Christ at its most naked,” Mr. Shachtman said. “If anybody is going to turn the other cheek in our society, it’s going to be the Amish.”

He continued, “I don’t want to denigrate anybody else who says they’re imitating Christ, but the Amish walk the walk as much as they talk the talk.”

I'm in awe.

Hat tip to Mark Shea, The Godfather of St. Blog's Parish.

Clerical coffee snorter

Outcry as clergy say calling God 'He' or 'Lord' encourages wife-beating.

In other news, calling milk "homo-genized" leads to buggery, and ordering "poached" eggs encourages theft.

Prophetic? Or just pathetic?

I was tidying up this paper heap laughingly known as my desk today, and ran across a column I wrote about four years ago. It's the only thing of mine my editor ever bounced; he felt the reference was too direct. Today, I wonder if it's coming true.

"Good morning, shoppers, and thank you for shopping at All-Mart. We trust you're enjoying your total shopping experience with us today. At this time, we'd like to make a few announcements.

"In our Home Improvement department, all All-Mart brand paints are 25% off today only. While you're there, check with our Home Improvement Financing consultants. They're ready and waiting to assist you with those major repairs.

"In our grocery department, All-Mart brands of soda, diapers, and soap are discounted ten percent for today and tomorrow only. Also, we have just received a new chardonnay from 'Sunset Hills', All-Mart's own winery. Our in-house wine taster describes it as 'demure, with a hint of naughtiness.' We recommend it with all our poultry and fish selections, particularly those being served at Chez Lucre, All-Mart's fine dining establishment located at the north end of aisle 117.

"After your visit to Chez Lucre, consider rounding out your evening with a show. All-Mart Cinemas is now showing the latest in film entertainment; check our schedule for times and features. Also, the All-Mart Players theatre troupe will be presenting 'Secrets and Sycophants,' the hilarious new farce by Jacques Reynard, our new All-Mart playwright. We look forward to a full season of Jacques' work.

"All-Mart is proud to announce that our shuttle service has now been extended to all parking areas, which should cut down considerably on crowding and traffic accidents. Please be aware that these shuttle vehicles have right-of-way at all intersections. For you shoppers in Parking Area F-7, formerly known as Sixth through Ninth streets, please be advised that personal vehicles may be parked only in driveways or designated areas. Curbside parking is no longer permissible, so that our transit service may better serve you.

"Just a reminder, many of you have rental or mortgage payments due in two days. Please make sure checks are made out to All-Mart Mortgage Services, and deposited at the First Bank of All-Mart before the close of business Friday. If you'd like to upgrade your housing, please see our representatives at All-Mart Realty.

"We are proud to announce another stunning victory by our own All-Mart High School football team over their arch-rival, the Giant-Mart Peons. Way to go, All-Mart Minimum-Wage Slaves!

"Due to remodeling, services at All-Mart VersiChapel have been rescheduled. New times and days are listed for each denomination outside the chapel, or ask the clergyperson of your choice at the Religion Help Desk.

"Finally, All-Mart would like to welcome two more former downtown businesses to the All-Mart family: Fred's Jewelers and Independent Appliance. If you know a business that has not yet joined the All-Mart Corporation, please let our Department of Acquisitions know. After all, we at All-Mart are committed to bringing you the best selection, and we can't do that if just anybody sets up shop anywhere they like.

"This concludes our announcements for today. Have a good day, and thank you for shopping at All-Mart. Remember, we're more than just your neighborhood store; we're the whole darned neighborhood."

Pondering Protestantism: a letter to a friend

Note of explanation: About a year ago, a close friend of mine was unjustly dismissed from his job teaching at an Evangelical Christian school. We had a long talk when I heard about it, about the clannishness of such schools, and about the tendency for rules to go unwritten: "the Club and the Code," as he described it. He'd had it up to his kiester with Christianity, and was seriously doubting his faith. This rattled me, because he had been a strong influence on my own faith when we were teenagers, and a sounding board when I became Catholic. A couple of days after my friend and I talked, I sent him this long e-mail. I'm sticking it in here with identifying information changed. I still think what I said then is worth saying.

I've been thinking a good deal about the conversation we had Sunday, and I finally put my finger on something that I wanted to say that I couldn't really formulate at the time. You're welcome to dismiss it as "witnessing," although that's not really what I want to do, at least not in the Sunday School "bring-a-friend-and-get-a-prize" sense.

You're pissed, with excellent reason. You're pissed at a school that screwed you over, and a church that places its focus on "the club and the code," as you put it. In feeling this way, you think you're also pissed at Christianity, but you're not. This is why.

You're not, because you've never really had much experience of Christianity. (I don't mean experience of Christ; that's another matter entirely.) What you've had is extensive experience with a specific kind of Christianity. You've spent your entire life in a cocoon, the walls of which are defined by a small, recently-developed movement that thinks it's all there is. I'm not running down your church or Evangelicalism in general. They do good work, they love the Lord, and they hold to the core of the Gospel, which is redemption by Christ. But Evangelicalism is no more the whole – or even the essence – of Christianity than the third lug nut on your right front wheel is the whole of your car.

What the Evangelical movement of the 60s and 70s that you're familiar with has done is to strip away the visible aspects of the Christian faith and replace them with other visible aspects. The confessional is gone, but there's a coffee bar. The iconostasis is replaced by a video screen. Most tellingly of all, the altar has been eliminated and replaced with a podium.

Christianity is not just hymns and a sermon. It's not about the emotions or the bumper stickers or the intellectual study or the "codes." It's not even just the Bible. Those things are expressions of Christianity, and they're the familiar ones to you and me, but they're only the tip of the iceberg.

Christianity is more than just an American white-bread cultural imperative. Christianity is also ashes on the forehead on Ash Wednesday, and palms on Palm Sunday, and fires on Pentecost. It's painted icons of Christians who have gone before, and statues of the Blessed Virgin, and Stations of the Cross. It's rosaries and prayer cards and incense and holy water. It's not just the upraised hands of the Charismatic; it's also the dipped knee of genuflection and the sign of the cross and a kissed icon.

How many times have you seen pictures of people lighting candles before a statue of Mary and thought, "What idolatry!" But it's not. It's a Christian practice far older than Sunday School coloring books. The people who come to the Blessed Mother with their requests are Christians holding to a tradition that goes back to the catacombs. Those superstitious people who line up to see a bone of St. Anthony? They're honoring the memory and holiness of their Christian brethren and sistern. Yep. That's Christianity, too. It only looks alien to someone who's only seen one small slice of the faith.

One of my favorite corners of the calendar is the feast of Corpus Christi, where the consecrated host, the Body of Christ, is carried over the heads of hundreds, maybe thousands, of people parading through the streets. To you, it seems weird, but to the vast majority of Christians, it's the most natural thing in the world.

We hear all the time that the Church isn't a building; it's the people. That's true, but it's also a structure built not just out of laity but of priests in robes, bishops in funny hats, and monks in habits. You think of those things as frippery, but they're as much an integral part of Christianity as a preacher in a double-breasted suit. It's also ordinary people; not just the few currently walking around but the ones who have already gone to heaven. The Church, as C. S. Lewis pointed out, stretches not only through space but time as well.

Christian writing didn't begin with Rick Warren, or even with Lewis. Try reading John of the Cross, or Ephraim of Edessa, or (best of all, I think) Thomas A Kempis' "Imitation of Christ." These are a much deeper glimpse of a very deep faith than anything you can get at the Christian bookstore at the mall.

I'm not trying to put together a sales pitch for Catholicism here. For that matter, I'm not trying to sell Christianity at all. If you really are so browned off that you just can't stomach Christianity, then by all means leave, or at least take a hiatus. Better that than to keep chained to something you hate. But bear in mind that there are more things in heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dream't of in your Sunday morning bulletin. You've only dipped a toe into the sea so far. You kind of owe it to yourself to take a look at the whole thing before you dump it.

Joel

It's a carnival!

The 87th Catholic Carnival is up at Luminous Miseries. (Is that a great blog name, or what?)

The old man and me

A couple of weeks ago, I came across a blog by a cop in Texas who could make a great living as a writer if he ever gets tired of catching bad guys. The post that was up at the time really set me to thinking.

Go read it now. Go ahead; I'll wait. The rest of this post won't make much sense if you don't.

All done? Excellent. Now, think about the rainbow of emotions that that story evokes. First, you feel for the old man, and you're even a little angry at his family, and at the wider world that abandons old men like that. Then, as you read about his life, you're horrified and finally resentful that he's got as much life left as he has. First he's an object of sympathy, then he becomes incurably evil, as you learn about a single episode of his life twenty-odd years earlier.

Did it occur to you to wonder what brought about the change? Why you felt sorry for the man at the beginning and hated him at the end? More to the point, why did you treat him differently upon learning the sins of his past?

Don't try to tell me you didn't. I know you did, because I did too. I was hurting badly for him, wondering why his family had abandoned him and how he had come to be so alone. I hurt to think of him sitting in a dark, silent apartment, losing track of time, even his ability to perform basic bodily functions falling apart. I hurt to think of his kids living God-knew-where, his siblings maybe alive or maybe dead; who knew? I hurt because he was suffering.

Then I read how he had come to be where he was. His retreat into the bottle. His wife. His daughter. His time in prison. Suddenly it seemed right that he should be miserable. For as long as there was breath in his lungs, he should be miserable. You want him to suffer.

But why is that? Because his sins have found him out? Because his sins are particularly disgusting? Or is it because our sins, thank God, are not like his?

I think that's the root of it. My sins are peccadillos, lapses in judgment, brief anomalies. His sins are crimes against God, man and nature.

But are my sins so innocent? I never drank my life away, but I went through a time after my divorce when I owed my liver a heck of an apology. I never raped my daughter, but I've had encounters with women (long ago) that I'm deeply ashamed of. I never killed my wife, but I can think of one or two people even now that I wouldn't cry too hard if they stepped in front of a bus. In short, I haven't committed his sins, but I've committed others. Mortal ones. Ones deserving of Hell.

Like the fictional old man, I've damned myself. Like him, I was the reason that Jesus came to earth, suffered and died. I've been pardoned and the eternal punishment remitted, but I still have some time to spend on earth before it's all over. Should I be despised by others for the sins God no longer holds against me?

Ever wonder what happened to the Prodigal Son after the last of the fatted calf had been finished off? Did the elder brother toss him out in the cold after their father was dead? Did he have to go back to the hog pens? Did he live out his life alone and broke? I hope not. He sinned, he repented, he was welcomed back. End of story.

It's hard to tell how repentant the old man in the story is, but for our purposes it doesn't really matter. It's not our place to determine the state of his soul. He suffers, and that's what counts. That's why there are prison ministries and shelters for drug addicts on the street. If we are to call ourselves Christians without choking on the word, then it's for us to pity his sufferings just as much at the end of the story as we did at the beginning. To do otherwise is to cheapen our own salvation.

The old man felt the tears on his cheeks and let them fall. His chest heaved and his breath came in short gasps. He hadn't thought about that in a long time. He wouldn't have thought he had it in him to cry anymore. He sat in front of the dancing blue light of the television and let the tears slide down his face. He sobbed without knowing he made a sound. He tried to decide if he was sorry for what he done to his wife and to his daughter and to his son too even though he never touched him like that, he tried to figure out if he was sorry for the wasted years he spent in prison or the years he wasted after he got out, or if he was sorry that his life had come to this, waiting alone for death in this ugly little room. The old man cried without knowing why.

I know why, and I could cry for the same reason. And God hurts as well, to see the misery that sin can cause. He hurt so much he died for it.

Does Islam need a pope or a Luther?

An interesting (if slightly heavy-handed) analysis of the correlations between radical Islam and Protestant Christianity.

The early Protestants were hardly “moderates” and, normally, secular liberals are keen to make this point. When was the last time you heard a Western liberal pine for a return of Puritanism? Luther and his immediate successors were true believers. And, while enormous theological and historical differences shouldn't be overlooked, today's Islamic fundamentalists have quite a bit in common with these religious crusaders.

Many Protestant sects were as austere as bin Laden's Wahhabi faith. The doctrines that birthed the Amish were hardly “modernizing.” Other faiths were more violent. Mobs of Protestant iconoclasts rampaged through European capitals smashing “Catholic” sculptures and burning paintings that violated biblical injunctions against graven images.

In the early 20th century, Muslim zealots launched a remarkably similar project. For example, in 1925 Ibn Saud, a patriarch of the Saudi dynasty and a follower of the puritanical Wahhabi sect of Islam, ordered the destruction of the sacred tombs and mosques of Mohammed and his early followers. They razed Mohammed's home and the graves of the prophet's mother and first wife. The prophet's tomb was barely spared thanks to popular opposition. Today, Saudi authorities are in the process of destroying ancient art and architecture of Mecca and Medina out of the same puritanical zeal. A similar fanaticism inspired the Taliban to blow up the Bamiyan Buddhas, to ban music and even kite flying.

The West is surely indebted to Protestantism. But the idea that liberal secularism was born from it steals a few bases. Protestantism lent itself to being a state religion even more than Catholicism did. And while Christianity has long recognized the distinction between secular and religious authority, the reality is that secularism rests on a foundation of blood, not theology. The Reformation inaugurated an era of relentless religious wars. French Catholics slaughtered Protestant French Huguenots. Calvinists and Lutherans beat the stuffing out of each other. The bloodshed continued until, as British historian Herbert Butterfield put it, religious tolerance became “the last policy that remained when it had proved impossible to go on fighting any longer.” Secular tolerance, in other words, defined the terms of cease-fire.

As much respect as I have for my Protestant brethren, the fact remains that when you have no magisterium, the only thing that remains is textual interpretation, and the interpreter with the heaviest artillery is automatically the orthodox one.

What a tangled web...

Cop masquerading as john meets hooker masquerading as cop. You can't make stuff like this up.

Rah, Rah Romney!

A nice piece on the man I'd like to see as our next president.

Photos!

You know those annoying people who corner you and whip out a a wallet full of pictures of their highly overrated offspring? I'm about to be one of those.


Here's Dai, two and a half with a vengeance, in bad need of both a haircut and sedation. Seriously, this was the only picture in the camera where he held still enough to aim the thing at him. His shirtless condition reflects not so much a need to be macho as an utter refusal to leave one on longer than it takes to get his arms unpinned.

And this little cherub on the right is Mona, five and a half months, and crawling like Swee' Pea in the old Popeye Cartoons. I've been told that she looks like nothing so much as a blonde version of my Lovely and Brilliant Wife. I find I can handle the idea of raising one that looks just like Christina quite happily, especially since I've had my turn producing ones that look like me.

Incidentally, our oldest daughter is setting out this afternoon with her boyfriend to drive home from Michigan, a good 2,200 miles. Prayers would really be appreciated for their safety.

What a prick!

Literally.

A 15-year-old sophomore who played on the Layton junior varsity squad was arrested for investigation of a juvenile class B misdemeanor charge of assault.
Police say the teenager put thumbtacks in one of his gloves and pricked players from the other team as he shook hands with them after the game.

Sunday night funny

They say the good Lord watches out for fools and drunkards. Since He watches over me when I'm sober, I guess I know what that makes me.

Robert wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company's Christmas Party. Robert is not normally a drinker, but the drinks didn't taste like alcohol at all. He didn't even remember how he got home from the party. As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong. Robert had to force himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirin next to a glass of water on the side table. And, next to them, a single red rose!

Go read the rest at Happy Catholic. Priceless indeed!

Preach it, Chief!

Not just for Indians, either. This is the sort of thing all young people need to hear.

R.I.P. Danny Flores, aka Chuck Rio.

Never was so much fame gleaned from a song with a single word for its entire lyric. Everybody hoist a glass of Cuervo in his memory.

This should take care of the problem

Byzantine emperor apologizes to Muslims for quote

However, there seems to be some disagreement among hygienically-challenged mouth-breathers over whether to accept the emperor's apology.

Clergydudes!

I saw this and immediately thought of Michael at Adventure Faith. It seems like the sort of thing a surfing pastor would appreciate, as is the story I found with it. H/T for both of them to GetReligion.

In case anybody wondered

Thanks to Shannon Donahoo for the image and the solidarity.

Legal loophole

Remember this sicko? Apparently, he's not going to be charged for what he was attempting to do, because it never occurred to Wisconsin's lawmakers that this was going to be a problem. However, he and his perv-buddies will still be charged with something, which God grant will keep them at a safe distance from the rest of us.

Yes, I'm being deliberately vague, as the story is pretty grody. Follow the links if you really want to know. Safe for work, but not for lunch.

Overdue post

I've been remiss in not adding a couple of links to newcomers in the Blogosphere. My sainted, painted, tainted aunt has started recording her thoughts at Ms. Kitty's Saloon and Road Show. Kit (my aunt) and I are kind of the family religious black sheep. Both of us were brought up as good Baptists, but I veered off into the traditional, whereas she headed off the other direction, and is now a Unitarian Universalist minister. Ordinarily, I'd say that we disagree on nearly every point of theology and politics, but I gather one of the basic principles of UUism is that you don't really disagree with anybody. Nevertheless, in her non-confrontational way, my Reverend Auntie has some really good insights, even if she disapproves of my occasional snarkiness.

Also bursting forth is Yet Another Look, whose owner has been one of my closest friends (give or take a few thousand miles) for many years. It looks like he's guarding his privacy, so I won't say too much about him, but I can tell you that if he ever wrote his memoirs, it would probably be dismissed as fiction. In the alternate history novel I've been slowly plugging away at, he's been my best source of information. So far he's only got one post up, but I'm looking forward to more. And when he says he's opinionated, he's not kidding.

Finally, I should add Lonely Man's Blog to the sidebar under "Papes." Tim's a convert like me, but unlike me, he actually makes good use of his experiences by helping lead RCIA. Incidentally, I know I asked for prayers in a job situation, but Tim could use them even more, having gotten the axe at his work for reading Catholic blogs. Others have speculated that Tim's got a good shot at suing them down to their BVD's, but he hasn't said what he's going to do yet. For now, let's just get the collective prayers of St. Blog's Parish behind him. Present... rosaries! Forward... PRAY!

Oh, and stop by and welcome all three of these to the Blogosphere!

What the pope should have said

All right, so Papa Ratzi is having to be more of a diplomat since taking the seat of Peter. But I still wish he could have responded like this.

ROME – In a televised statement this morning, Pope Benedict XVI lashed out at critics of his earlier comments on Muslims, referring to said critics as a "pack of crybaby snake-charmers" and recommending they perform various humanly impossible feats of flexibility and colonic accommodation.

The rest is obscene, and I won't quote it here. And it's seriously disrespectful of both Benedict and the Church in general. But boy howdy, was it cathartic just reading it!

I don't have anything against Muslims in general. I have my faith, and they have theirs. I think mine is right and theirs wrong, but that's what believing in a religion is all about. But where do they get off demanding that Benedict – and the rest of Christendom – speak only flowers and candy about Islam, while in the Muslim world, there are daily warnings in rather graphic terms that they intend to erase us from the face of the earth? You want to share the world in a civilized manner, talk like it. But don't hold us to a standard you don't think you should have to meet.

Miter tip to It Comes in Pints?.

Does this mean I have to beat drums in the woods?

My pirate name is:

Iron John Kidd

A pirate's life isn't easy; it takes a tough person. That's okay with you, though, since you a tough person. Even though you're not always the traditional swaggering gallant, your steadiness and planning make you a fine, reliable pirate. Arr!

Get your own pirate name from piratequiz.com.
part of the fidius.org network

A tip of the flaming tricorn hat to Julie, from whom I also pirated this:

Top Ten Pickup lines for use on International Talk Like a Pirate Day
(That's September 19, me hearties!)

10. Avast, me proud beauty! Wanna know why my Roger is so Jolly?

9. Have ya ever met a man with a real yardarm?

8. Come on up and see me urchins.

7. Yes, that is a hornpipe in my pocket and I am happy to see you.

6. I'd love to drop anchor in your lagoon.

5. Pardon me, but would ya mind if fired me cannon through your porthole?

4. How'd you like to scrape the barnacles off of me rudder?

3. Ya know, darlin’, I’m 97 percent chum free.

2. Well blow me down?

And the number one pickup line for use on International Talk-Like-A-Pirate Day is...

1. Avast! Prepare to be boarded!

That's my boy!

If this doesn't make your nostril hair ache just by reading it, then your taste buds have probably been tossed on the ash heap of history. Need I remind everybody of his little brother's adventures in highly caustic comestibles?

Covarr, incidentally, is the son I took over to WSU last month, and he's started blogging so that we, his loving parents, will know what to worry about. (Actually, my Lovely and Brilliant Wife will do more worrying than I will. Judging by how he handled a sozzled jock in an earlier post, I think he's holding his own just fine.)

Gracious speech for a worthy adversary

Doesn't this just say it all?

"Ann loved Texas, and Texans loved her. As a public servant she earned respect and admiration," Bush said in a statement. "Ann became a national role model, and her charm, wit, and candor brought a refreshing vitality to public life."

Richards, who was Texas governor from 1991 to 1995, described Bush as "some jerk" during the race for governor that she lost to him in 1994.

Yeah, yeah, I know... Bush was just holding to the political principle of de mortuis nil nisi bonum, whereas Ms. Richards was speaking on the campaign trail. But I don't see any slighting references that Bush made about her at all, while durn few in her paty can summon up even basic civility in speaking of him. If she had outlived him, I doubt she would have spoken so graciously at his death.

Pondering Protestantism: Praying for each other

Being a Protestant-turned-Catholic, I've wondered sometimes what the proper protocol is in praying for Protestant brethren and sistern. I have no problem with praying to (or with, really) the saints, and I sometimes pray the rosary on my way to work. Since I have a list of people I've been praying for, and a number of those are Protestants, I wonder if that's something that would bother them. (Some of you know who you are, BTW.)

Protestant readers, if I pray a rosary for something you've asked prayer for, does that bother you? Would you rather not have prayers than have me make them through the Blessed Mother? Catholics, how do you handle that? Or has the question ever come up for you at all?

The obvious answer is to limit prayers for Protestants to praying directly to God. But I've been Catholic long enough that it seems strange now not to invite the Church Triumphant to join me in my prayers. Feels almost rude, in fact.

Usually what I've done is simply not mentioned how I intended to pray, if there was any question about how it would be received by the beneficiary if he knew. But then, I have to wonder how I'd feel if somebody were asking blessings for me from Ganesh or Ahura-Mazda, or sacrificing things to some pagan god on my behalf. I know it's not the same thing, but to some Protestants, it's close.

Readers (all three of you)? How would you handle this?

When a loony meets a loony a-coming intae court

Okay, you're not supposed to be disrespectful of the mentally ill, and ordinarily I wouldn't be. But these people just make it so darn difficult not to.

A man has been acquitted of raping a woman - because she had at least 14 personalities.

In a bizarre case, a jury was told that the 40-year-old man was accused of sexually assaulting the woman 11 times in her home in 2004 while some of her alter egos looked on and at times intervened.

During the District Court trial that finished on Tuesday, the court was told three of the 33-year-old woman's personalities were present at one of the alleged incidents.

The complainant said two identities had been at other incidents...

In video testimony played at the trial, the woman, referring to herself as "us'', acknowledged that she had at least 14 personalities and described how one had intervened during one of the alleged incidents.

"(She) came out and was screaming at him (the accused) and said, 'You'd better not get us pregnant','' she said.

The woman said that she and that personality were "co-conscious'' with another personality – that of a six-year-old – at another alleged assault...

She conceded that at times she forgot that she did things because other personalities had done them, such as spending $3000 on her credit card.

But she denied that any of her identities would engage in sex.

The accused said on a police interview video that he had consensual sex with the woman on only one night during the three days and denied that other acts took place

This could be an interesting little legal problem, really. If one personality consented (as the man claims) and another objected, did he rape the consenting one too? Does one of them hold power of attorney or some such for the others? And what about the six-year-old one? Can she consent at all? And what kind of a pervert does that make the guy, anyway?

If one of them gets pregnant, who has ownership of the womb? Are there enough spaces on the birth certificate? Will our kids be reading Heather has 14 Mommies at school next?

Cases like this are why judges drink. A tip of the bottle hat to the wonderful Cassandra.

Prayer request bleg

I've never put up a prayer request for myself before, so I feel a little self-centered about it, but here goes. I'm applying today for a job and I could really use your prayers. I don't want to get into details about it, but it pays better than twice what I get now, which is the biggest reason I'd consider a change of employer. (In case it wasn't clear, I actually like my job.) But this other employer seems like a really great place to work, too, and like I said, the money's excellent.

I'd be grateful for prayers. This could be a huge opportunity for our family.

Who was Yash Skala?

If 9/11 hadn't happened, I'd never have known who John Skala was. He was three thousand miles away from me, just one more faceless stranger in a police uniform.

But John – or Yash, as he was also called – was known to lots of other people. He was known to the kids at the Ukrainian-American as the guy who taught them to play softball. He was known to his mother as a loving, attentive son. He was known to his brother as a fellow officer, and to his sister as a funny, generous young man. One of his brother officers said of him, "Johnny would give you the shirt off his back, and then he would take you to the store and buy you a pair of pants and shoes to go along with it." He couldn't sing worth a rat's patoot, but that didn't stop him from karaokeing at the top of his lungs whenever a microphone happened to be present.

He was known to his co-workers as a workhorse, taking on extra duty and working part-time as a paramedic on top of his police duties. 48-hour shifts weren't unknown to him. And on September 11, 2001, it all came to an end when he was assigned to the Lincoln Tunnel and the reports came in of the destruction of the World Trade Center. As masses of people fled the terror, Yash ran into it. Grabbing his paramedic pack, Yash convinced a New York cop that he was better qualified to go into the wreckage because of his training, and rushed inside to see whom he could save. The last anybody saw of Yash, he was on the 30th floor of the South Tower, searching for survivors. Then the tower fell in on him, and there was no more Yash. His body, like many others, was never recovered.

Lots of people still won't know who John Skala was. But in those final moments, when death dragged him away from his work saving others, the angels came to know who he was. The man who never sought the spotlight, who did his job – and more – without fanfare, is being feasted in Heaven and honored on earth. I didn't know him, but I wish I were more like him.

There's more about Yash here, here and here.

This post is part of the 2,996 Project, dedicated to remembering those who died in the most despicable attack ever levied at America. Go read as many as you can, and help keep alive their memory on earth.

Serves him right

Seems some yobbo set up a trailer on this farmer's land and wouldn't leave, so the farmer took a more direct approach. (Click the photo to see it all.)

While the illegal tenant was still soundly asleep, Mr Roberts got into his yellow JCB forklift and prepared to teach him a lesson.

First, he picked up the man's burgundy Vauxhall Cavalier from its spot on one of his fields and dumped it unceremoniously outside his land.

Then he returned to scoop up the white caravan, still housing the unsuspecting squatter.

As it was lifted into the air, the man, in his 20s, appeared at the window looking rather groggy and startled to discover he was suddenly airbourne.

Right on!

Ick!

I'm not going to quote this one; you'll have to read it for yourself. There are some very weird people walking among us, and you can't tell them by sight. It creeps me out to think that the guy behind me at the gas station (or worse, Wal-Mart) might be this sort, and I'd never know. Especially since I work for a newspaper that prints obituary photos.

A shuddering tip o' the Akubra to Jim Romanesko.

Of course. Was there ever any question?

You Should Be a Science Fiction Writer

Your ideas are very strange, and people often wonder what planet you're from. And while you may have some problems being "normal," you'll have no problems writing sci-fi. Whether it's epic films, important novels, or vivid comics... Your own little universe could leave an important mark on the world!

What Type of Writer Should You Be?

Everybody who's ever made their living writing has a half-started novel somewhere, and the one I've been working on in my spare time (ha!) is an alternate history, which is kind of a specialized sub-genre. I've wanted to write sci-fi since I was a kid. Alas, that too often takes the form of wanting to be a writer rather than actually wanting to write. Still, I'm plugging away, and one day you may find me in the remainder bin!

A/T to Miss Cellania, who not only rocks my world but worlds unimagined as well.

Phriday Photo Phunny

Sure it is, buddy. Sure it is.

H/T to Desultory Thoughts, via Right Wing Nation, via It Comes in Pints?.

Rejoice!

I never thought I would be singing alleluias over gas going to $2.50 a gallon until I saw it go to $3.50 this summer. Makes a big difference when the change is downward, especially since we were hoping to go to California this year for Thanksgiving.

Uncle Warren is busted!

Looks like the FBI has picked up one of its Ten Most Wanted.

Mr. Jeffs is the leader of a polygamous sect known as the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints and is considered a "prophet" by his estimated 10,000 followers.

The F.B.I. posting put up before the capture said Mr. Jeffs is 50 years old, was considered armed and dangerous, and may have traveled with loyal and armed bodyguards.

While a fugitive, Mr. Jeffs was still believed to have run the compound in Arizona from afar, and was said by ex-church members to have 70 wives. The community, closed to outsiders, is one in which civil government and religious authority are one and the same, and young men are forced out to make sure that the old men who run the place have a ready supply of young brides.

In general I'm sympathetic to Mormon polygamists. There are groups out there who aren't perverts; they're following the dictates of their religion under persecution. Their marriages are as close to legal under US law as they can manage without abandoning Celestial Plural Marriage, and they police themselves very well.

But John Taylor never meant his vision to be a green light for incestuous kiddy-diddling and white slavery, let alone the sort of terrorist tactics these loons go in for. Leave the honest polygamists alone, but I'd love to see the FLDS scattered to the four winds. This may make a good start.

Congratulations, Mike!

Looks like Mike at Adventure Faith has a book coming out in December. He's happy to sign copies, so order up and let's get his name out there.

Happy Monday!

Just in case anybody missed me, I've been off on vacation (mostly) for about a week and a half, much of which was spent transporting kids to the four corners of the earth. Number One Son went off to his first year at Wazoo, Number One Daughter took a bus to Michigan, and Daughters Two and Three flew to and from Texas to spend some time with their dad. And of course, there was the summer tradition of ferrying Number Two Son back and forth from his mother. So finally the family has settled into a routine with only four of the seven living at home. It's now quiet enough that we can hear Hypertot wreaking havoc on the house almost as soon as he begins, and usually before FEMA has to be called in.

Blogging will resume as soon as I get some honest work done.

"Mother" Sheehan to create refuge for deserters

News flash: They've already got one. It's called "jail."

Now almost 40 days into her fast supporting war resisters and their families, Sheehan, though weak, announced that she is offering land she bought in Crawford near Bush's ranch as a refuge for U.S. troops who desert to resist the war in Iraq...

Among a contingent of younger Iraq Veterans Against the War were several current service members.

One not wearing a name badge declined to reveal his identity. He said, with confirmation from his peers, that he was from the Seattle area, in his 20s, and had been "away-without-leave from a combat unit now in Iraq" for an undisclosed period of time.

The AWOL soldier said he decided to flee the Army after the invasion of Iraq because he believes the war illegal. He said he joined the military before 9/11 "because I had been to five different high schools and went through family problems. The military was a way to get friends and family structure."

And a steady paycheck, and a college education, and a uniform that collects chicks like lint on a sweater. But it never occurred to him that he might actually have to soldier? Please.

He considers the war illegal. Isn't that cute? This twenty-something is more expert in military and international jurisprudence than all the amateurs at the Pentagon and Congress? Or has he merely been exposed to a variety of voices, and listened to the one that told him he could collect benefits without the hazard of being shot at?

Not surprisingly, Baghdad Jim is going to address the group. God deliver the Republic from the soldiery composed of barracks-room lawyers and escape artists that Congressman McDirtbag would see us forced to rely on.

Akubra tip to Jeff Goldstein, whose name I got right this time!

File this one under "Family Values"

Mom pimps daughter to keep boyfriend from leaving.

MUSKEGON -- A woman afraid of losing her boyfriend while she was recuperating from surgery arranged to have her 15-year-old daughter be his sex partner for two months.

The man and woman now face felony charges.

Police said evidence against them includes a written contract signed by all three that specifies the sexual services and the "pay" the girl would get, including clothing and body piercings...

Police said in exchange for providing Fitzgibbon with sex, the teen would receive a desired item, such as a body piercing, clothing or a visit from her boyfriend.

Mahan said Fitzgibbon and the 15-year-old girl had sex "close to 20 times" during June and July. The girl testified in court that she chose to put on a sleeping mask when she had to have sex with Fitzgibbon.

They put this in writing? And what did her boyfriend think of all this? Makes you wonder what she'd have to do for a Klondike bar. Sigh.

Sometimes I question whether the human race really ought to continue. Maybe another flood is in order.

Nauseating

Let me get this straight. You beat your three-year-old daughter to death. Let's say it again: you beat your child to death. And you're the victim?

Washtenaw Sheriff's Detective Craig Raisanen also said LaToya Joplin told him "she was the one who was abused when she disciplined Kayla, because she would strike her to the point that her hand was throbbing. She was the one to endure pain. She blamed her daughter.''

Kayla Joplin died early July 17 from a torn right atrium in her heart, a Washtenaw County medical examiner testified in 14A District Court on Wednesday.

Un-frimpin'-believable. Via Jim Romanesko.

Aaah! So that's it!

Now we get to the root of the problem.

After all of the bodies are counted and the damaged is assessed we have to come to the conclusion that one main group is at the center of all this terrorist activity: Airlines.

That’s right. Airlines have been at the center of September 11th and the most recent foiled terror attempt.

It’s time for the airlines to ask themselves this question: Why are we so hated? Is it the stupid bag of peanuts that some of us now charge you for? Is it that we get so easily offended when you call us stewardesses instead of flight attendants? Are the male flight attendants too queer? Not queer enough? Do you want an ENTIRE can of soda?

These are the questions the airline industry must ask itself.

Sure, there have been attacks on other transportation systems, but that’s mostly because these other systems such as the Spanish trains and those funny British buses have provided aid and support to the airlines – mostly in the form of rides to and from the airports. Sometimes in the form of advertising.

Don’t you think the terrorists see all of this? Do we have no regard for their feelings? It’s no wonder they hate the airlines.

Read the rest to see what can be done to demarginalize our fellow fliers of the friendly fiendly skies.

A/T to Kathy.

Talk about the "Ugly American"!

How embarrassing! For both him and his country.

An American tourist who ran naked through a peaceful Swiss town, vandalised a church and escaped from police clutches by jumping into a lake could have been on hallucinogenic mushrooms, a magistrate has said.

The 34-year-old man from Massachussetts, who has since been allowed to return home, ran amok in the western town of Morges, by Lake Geneva, two weeks ago.

He started babbling incoherently in the hotel lobby, stripped and ran naked along the quayside, broke a stained glass in the nearby Protestant temple with a stool and set a precious 1898 Bible alight, police in Morges said.

After being seized and handcuffed by police, he made a leap for freedom into the lake and bit two people who tried to help him while he was hanging on to a boat.

Having recovered his senses, he later appeared before investigating magistrate Gilles Riva and "coherently" explained that he had eaten 'magic' mushrooms that he had bought in the Netherlands during a trip through Europe.

And we wonder why American tourists aren't greeted with unbridled affection in Europe.

Ow!

This mistake would be so easy to make. There but for the grace of God...

A Croatian man got a nasty surprise when he tried to get out of his deck chair and found his testicles had got stuck.

Mario Visnjic had gone swimming naked in the sea at the Valalta beach in western Croatia, reports 24sata.

His testicles had shrunk while in the cool sea and slipped through the wooden slats when he sat back down on his wooden deckchair.

But as he lay in the sun they expanded back to normal size and got stuck between the slats.

I guess I'm surprised nobody thought of this sooner

A bar where you can beat up the staff. For an extra fee, of course.

A Chinese newspaper reports stressed-out people can now unleash their anger at a bar that lets customers attack staff, smash glasses and generally make a ruckus in eastern China.

The Rising Sun Anger Release Bar in Nanjing, capital of the eastern province of Jiangsu, employs 20 muscled young men as "models" for customers to punch and scream at.

"Customers can specify how they want the models to appear - they can even appear as women - and then they are free to give them a sound beating," the China Daily said.

The bar charges from 50 yuan ($AU8.20) to 300 yuan ($AU49) for the pleasure.

Because really, what goes better together than alcohol and unmanaged anger?

A/T to Wicked Thoughts.

Those pervy Methodists!

It's all because their clergy are all male and forced to live in unnatural celibacy. If they would just start ordaining women and homosexuals, things like this wouldn't happen anymore.

The computer is reading your mind

Which is probably legal under the Patriot Act, come to think of it.

This is weird. It's simple: pick a two-digit number, add the digits together and subtract that fromm the original, then stare at a symbol on the screen. The computer even knows if you're lying. I tried deliberately staring at the wrong one, and it still knew which number I had picked.

Akubra tip to The Stranger Blog. There's an explanation in the comments there, but it kind of ruined it for me. It's freaky if you don't know how it's done.

The Catholic Carnival is up

I feel like such a slouch, not having contributed for months. But here's what more diligent bloggers have written.

Happy trails, Carl!

Looks like Carl Ballard is lowering the curtain on the Washington State Political Report. I disagree with him on almost every issue; heck, I've made no secret that I want to see his turf and mine become separate states. But he's a thoughtful and intelligent blogger, for a lefty; a worthy adversary indeed. I'm sorry to see him go.

These are the people who keep America informed

Oh. My. Word.

I work with journalists, and I know there's a wide variance in the level of basic education they have. Some of them are literate and knowledgeable enough to hold an intelligent conversation with a trilobyte, and some are not. Guess which category this one falls into.

[Episcopal Bishopess Katharine Jefferts] Schori has a new set of challenges to confront with a church in a state of crossroads - including the clergy's attitude about global warming, which Schori believes is a real crisis. Old ideals about divorce, contraception and same-sex marriage have given way to a new way of dealing with the modern world.

The latter issue provided the Episcopal church with much discourse during a recent convention when it appeared to relax its rules on alternative lifestyles.

"We did say as a church that it's appropriate or acceptable for individual congregations to bless couples as a matter of pastoral practice," she said.

Then, there are other changing signs.

"We're changing attitudes about divorce," she said. The church finds it appropriate to encourage divorce for the safety of the people involved.

"We're more flexible than the Catholic church," she said.

The irony is, Catholicism was part of the Episcopal Church before a split in the 1500s. (Emphasis mine)

Wait a minute, did the split come about because Horny Henry wouldn't give the Pope an annulment? I guess the history books must have gotten it garbled. Then again, why would a professional writer need to read books?

Sometimes my profession can be downright embarrassing.

Preying on people in debt

My jaw literally dropped reading this. I suspect there's a special compartment in hell for frying these people.

Apostolic succession meets Amway.

Don't these people realize it's been done before? It's called the One, Holy, Catholic and Apostolic Church, and it's what most of them have left behind.