Wonder why they call him "Big Mike?"

Sometimes words fail, even for a newspaperman. Seems this couple got caught skinnydipping. That's not a huge deal; I've skinnydipped myself, although I was a teenager the last time I did it, and there wasn't a girl in sight (alas and alack, for lack of a lass!).

But this guy was thoroughly snockered (blew a .134!), in the company of an unidentified woman, and his wife was out of town for a funeral!

Police allegedly detected a strong odor of alcohol coming from Stevens. Carriker asked him how much he had to drink and Stevens allegedly replied, “Not enough.

Dang skippy! If it was my (lovely and brilliant) wife, there wouldn't be enough hemlock for me to drink before she came to see me at the jailhouse to tell me she was dumping my sorry butt.

Hat tip to Jim Romanesko.