Wednesday, July 18, 2007

One for my dad

Today my dad would have been 64. I have more to post about him, after some things I found out on the Fourth of July, but that's going to take some time. (And an early-morning thunderstorm seems to have toasted my hard drive at home! Curse, swear, blaspheme...) As I mentioned on Memorial Day, my dad passed away in 1994 from a brain tumor that's been linked to Agent Orange. While he never made a big deal about being a vet, I think he'd get a chuckle out of what I found on Wicked Thoughts this morning:
The Army found they had too many officers and decided to offer an early retirement bonus. They promised any officer who volunteered for retirement a bonus of $1,000 for every inch measured in a straight line between any two points in his body. The officer got to choose what those two points would be.

The first officer who accepted asked that he be measured from the top of his head to the tip of his toes. He was measured at six feet and walked out with a bonus of $72,000.

The second officer who accepted was a little smarter and asked to be measured from the tip of his outstretched hands to his toes. He walked out with $96,000.

The third one was a non-commissioned officer, a grizzly old Chief who, when asked where he would like to be measured replied, "From the tip of my weenie to my testicles." It was suggested by the pension officer that he might want to reconsider, explaining about the nice big bonuses the previous two officers had received. But the old Chief insisted and they decided to go along with him providing the measurement was taken by a medical officer.

The medical officer arrived and instructed the Chief to "drop 'em," which he did. The medical officer placed the tape measure on the tip of the Chief's weenie and began to work back. Dear Lord!" he suddenly exclaimed, "Where are your testicles?"

The old Chief calmly replied, "Vietnam."

Happy birthday, Dad! Hoist a cold one (and I hope you're not somewhere that cold things are in short supply)!

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