The return of the cheese

It’s finally happened. I’ve gone over a year without posting on my blog. Ordinarily, this would be where I hang up my spurs and call it a day as so many other bloggers have done. But one thing keeps me going:

Cheesy Christmas movies!

Things have changed a lot since I started the tradition lo, these many years ago. Back then I was pretty much limited to the few I could find on the Internet Archive. A couple of those I still enjoy going back to every so often. I have a special soft spot, for example, for “Beyond Tomorrow” and “Son of the Navy.”

But thanks to the treasure storehouse that is YouTube, we have more cheese to select from than the whole south of France. Part of my workday is spent doing stuff that requires neither reading nor writing, and that time is often spent with a video playing on my phone. Nothing heavy; preferably something I don’t have to look at and can follow by audio. Being as how ’tis the season, I started browsing the other day through Hallmark Christmas movies. (Seriously, I had no idea there were so many.) This led me to a fluff-fest called “Snowglobe.”

“Snowglobe” is one of those films that takes a magical premise and tries to mold it to seasonal sentimentality. Young Angela Moreno (pertly played by Christina Milian) lives with the sort of family that make you want to move out of state and change your name. That is to say, she doesn’t actually live with them per se, but you’d never know it from the way they crowd into her life and make free of her apartment.

Meanwhile, Angela dreams of a perfect traditional Christmas right out of a Victorian diorama. Or, in this case, a snow globe given to her by the usual magical deliveryman. As she falls asleep gazing at it and dreaming of a spherical paradise, she finds herself sucked inside it, where she’s greeted by a tall, handsome fellow with perfect teeth and a perpetually bewildered look. Mister Perfect invites her to stay at The Inn, where mouthwatering food magically appears in the kitchen of a sweet grandma archetype. It’s all too good to be true, so naturally, it is.

This is supposed to be the point when she realizes that her perfect Christmas really isn’t what she wanted. Nuh-uh. The Snowglobians find their way into Brooklyn and hilarity ensues.

There are a couple of factors below the surface of this film. One is the ethnic/racial element, which is never actually mentioned but hangs out in the living room dropping elephant poo on the carpet. Angela’s mother is of Italian extraction and her father a black man from Cuba. Obviously, the globe people are as white-bread as you can get (think of the cheerleaders from that hoary old SNL sketch). The new love interest the family picks out for her (Josh Cooke, who apparently is in a season of “Longmire” I haven’t seen yet) is somewhere in between: all Brooklyn, still WASPish.
The other is that the globules (what do you call the denizens, anyway?) aren’t just paper dolls. In their own plasticky way they have feelings too and Angela’s self-centered (but not malicious) meddling has impacted their lives.

Obviously, we’re not talking high art here. It’s cheese. Enjoy.

The speech President Obama needs to make

Like it or not, the Paris attacks have placed us in a situation where war is probably inevitable. These people aren’t going to go away, and they won’t ever make peace. What’s more, it has to be done soon, not just because ISIS will continue to grow and metastasize, but more importantly because it’s vitally important that there be a Democrat in the White House if we’re to have any possibility of victory.

I know that sounds counter-intuitive.  But consider: If we wait until after the next election they will paint it as a purely Republican war and hamstring it at every opportunity, whereas Republicans are unlikely to hamper a war effort. (Yes, yes, the GOP has its own set of shameful tactics, But that’s not one of them.)  Our only hope of winning the war is if both halves of America are behind it. And this, my friends, is a war we absolutely cannot afford to lose.

This is what the President needs to say:

My fellow Americans,
I have hoped with all my heart not to speak the words I am about to say. For several years we have watched the rise of the Islamic State of Iraq and Syria with growing concern. Up until now their predations have been confined to the Middle East, a region far from our shores. Those actions have been reprehensible - genocide, slaughter and destruction - but America has taken only limited measures, primarily aiding and supporting our Kurdish and other allies in the region. We have seen ISIS take the form, not of a shadowy terrorist organization, but of a full-fledged territorial nation bent on expansion. ISIS has made it abundantly clear that they will not countenance peace, that they intend to dominate all other nations and will never recognize another nation as its equal.

The attacks upon our French allies in Paris have changed the situation drastically. As members of NATO, we are obligated to come to France’s defense. Therefore, as soon as I have finished speaking, I intend to call a joint session of Congress and ask them to declare that a state of war exists between ISIS and the United States.

I do not take this action lightly. If the last 14 years have taught us anything, it is that the American people do not relish the roles of conquerers and occupiers. We prefer to leave others in peace and live in peace ourselves, often at great risk or cost to ourselves. But this, ISIS will not have. In light of their intransigence, it is better to stop them while they are relatively small rather than allow them to grow larger and more dangerous. War will come, whether we like it or not; the only question is when and what size foe we will face.

Let me be clear: this is not a war on Islam itself. I spent much of my childhood among Muslims whom I knew to be good and decent people. Many of our own citizens are Muslim. Indeed, the vast majority of ISIS’ victims have been Muslim. I call on American Muslims to demonstrate their loyalty to this country, and non-Muslims to treat them with the respect you would show any other compatriots. Your neighbors are not your enemies. Nor are many of the people in the regions we intend to invade. Our enemy, rather, is any person who identifies as a subject of ISIS’ caliphate or bears arms on its behalf.

American soldiers have a long tradition of protecting civilians from harm. I will direct our troops to continue this tradition. Unfortunately, civilian casualties cannot be completely avoided. Innocent people will be hurt and killed despite our best efforts. For this I take full responsibility, and may God judge me for it as He sees fit.

Our men and women in uniform have been through a great deal in recent years, in Iraq and Afghanistan. Against our wishes, we must call on them once again to place their bodies between their beloved home and an enemy who would destroy it. I thank them for their service and honor them for the work they are about to do.

I call on Americans of all faiths to join Michelle and me in prayer for the safety of our troops and a quick end to this war. Thank you, and God bless and defend the United States of America.

The perfect liberal candidate

He’s black. He grew up poor and knows what it is to depend on welfare and food stamps. He’s a healer and a man of science. He’s owned by no corporate interests. He doesn’t shrink from war, but he’s no hawk by choice. He’s a reconciler, speaking kindly and peaceably to people on both sides of the aisle. He believes strongly in free speech, freedom of religion and freedom of the press. He has a passion for higher education and wants to see it funded for poor students.

In short, he’s exactly what liberals have said all along they want in a president. If Dr. Carson gets the nomination, voters on the left will have to choose between being genuine liberals and being Democratic party loyalists. So far, it’s the latter. 

Faux Satanists to piddle in Christians’ punchbowl

Rapidly becoming the Westboro Baptist of atheism.

Let’s face it: these people don’t believe in an actual Satan. Yeah, I know, there’s an esoteric philosophical system that calls itself Satanism, but I doubt any of the yahoos behind this could actually articulate it. All the symbolism is deliberately chosen to create revulsion among Christians. That’s it. They only adopt the trappings of Satanism because Christians have learned to ignore atheists spitting on their sacred things.

I keep thinking of a quote from C.S. Lewis’ The Last Battle:

There goes one who had called on gods he does not believe in. How will it be with him if they have really come?

I don’t really get excited about the coach’s prayers one way or another. He’s not hurting anyone, but it wouldn’t hurt anyone if he stopped, either.  It seems to me there are more important things to worry about. But for this bunch, it’s all about the hate.

You know what they say about honest politicians

Once they’re bought, they stay bought.

So hands off that gearshift, mister!

Spotted while "touring" Britain on Geoguessr:

Using Google Street View's whiz-bang time machine thingy, it looks like it's been that way at least since 2008. Really on the ol' stick there in Worcester, aren't we? (So to speak.)

Trust no fox in the green meadow...

... and no Christian on the Internet.

It’s funny, when I first started this blog, it was an outgrowth of apologetics discussions I’d been having with Protestants, especially Calvinists, like Tim Challies and the Bayly Brothers. The hostility level usually stayed low, but it was really clear that they and I weren’t singing out of the same hymnal, so to speak.

The times, they are a’changin’. Today I almost never get into arguments with Protestants. In fact, my best friend’s mother, a Fundamentalist whom I would have expected to find firmly in the Pope-as-Antichrist camp, frequently sends me links about Catholic things that she’s really impressed by.

Say what you will about militant atheists, they’ve caused the various Christian sects to bury the hatchet, and not between some heretic’s shoulder blades. Those people despise us all equally. The more ignorant they are, the more vitriolic their denunciations. I don't know for certain that all of them are atheists by philosophy; some may just be jackasses who get off on the idea that they're somebody's moral and intellectual superior. Sort of like they accuse us of being, but for real.

It’s not all that far from this:

to this:

Go check out the originals here and here, if you’re strong of stomach. Streicher and Betty Bowers could probably find a lot to talk about.

A few thoughts, and jolly well about time, too

Note: I have no idea what to do about the font on this post. I messed it up and nothing seems to put it right. Sorry for the dissonance.

In another month and a half, it’ll be a year since my last post. I’m durned if I’ll allow my blog to go to seed that long, so it’s about time I put some thoughts into pixels. In no particular order:

1. My posting hiatuses (hiati?) seem to coincide with a change in my ADD medication. I’m back on my old drugs now and I have a feeling my ability to write will return along with it.

2. My job situation went on a roller coaster ride last winter. I won’t go into details – I make it a policy not to talk about work anyplace I can get dooced – but the upshot is that I’m back at the Greatest Paper in the Northwest™ doing page layout and copy editing. I’m not complaining about that part; I like the work and I’m good at it. It’s just the ride there that left me feeling slapped around like a white-trash housewife the morning after payday. I’m working evenings, which is proving an adventure for my Lovely and Brilliant Wife as well as the three HFA kids she wrangles into bed every night while I’m gone.

3. I’ve become addicted to GeoGuessr. It makes my inner map geek turn cartwheels. Basically, it plunks you down somewhere in the world on Google Street View and you have to work out your location from signs and other externals. I find the USA and UK versions fun for idle amusement, but some of the other maps pack a real challenge. (Have you ever tried to get your bearings in the middle of the Russian steppe or the Brazilian highlands?) There are no actual rules about looking things up but I limit myself to having Google Maps open in a second tab so I have a larger area to look at. Not for everybody, maybe, but I love it. It’s kind of fun seeing all these places I would never have sought out on my own.

4. The Grille from Ipanema in Coeur d’Alene is fantastic. Yummiest Brazilian barbecue I ever threw a lip over.  I recommend it highly. My only regret is that they don’t serve Xingu.

5. I have another grandbaby. Drama Queen and her husband presented me with an adorable granddaughter in November. Okay, technically she’s their baby, but I think of them as merely her caretakers when I’m not playing with her. Seriously, take a look. Is this not hyperconcentrated cuteness?

6. I also lost my last grandparent, my grandmother, last month. She was 94. We had her memorial on what would have been her and Grandpa’s 75th anniversary. Eternal rest grant unto her, O Lord, and let perpetual light shine upon her.

7. Covarr just got word that he has a role in the Masquers Theatre’s upcoming musical.

8. I hate wildfire season in central Washington. Not just because of the smoky air and the people losing their homes, but because there’s nothing but fire photos to put on the front page, and there are only so many things you can do with them. It’s like trying to find ways to make tuna casserole new every meal.

9. I think I need to post my political stuff here more rather than Facebook. I’ve had several people unfriend me over political stuff. I really don’t understand people who do that.

10. We took the kids on a family vacation this summer for the first time in five years. Went to the Cannon Beach Conference Center and then down to see the in-laws in California. The drive home was 16 hours. My butt is permanently shaped like a minivan seat.

11. Still waiting for SSI to kick in. The kids qualify and the functionaries we talk to keep assuring us it’ll be any time now, but we haven’t seen any money yet and some bills are starting to stack up. If I have any readers left, some prayers would be appreciated.

12. My Lovely and Brilliant Wife has taken up art and is beginning to post some of her creations on her blog. Amble over and take a look and let her know if you see anything you like. Yes, it’s for sale as soon as she gets set up to make prints.

13. I hate Caps Lock. Even though I use it every day. I especially hate retyping entire paragraphs because I forgot I had it on. Grr.

14. I still have my comments prior to 2012 exported from the now-defunct Haloscan system, but I haven’t figured out how to import them.

15. My ten-year blogiversary was in April, and I totally missed it. Yay me, I guess.

16. God continues to be good, the Catholic Church continues to be one, holy, catholic and apostolic, and I continue to be a mediocre Christian at best.

Now to tidy up the sidebar and fix the kids’ ages. And we’re back in the Blogosphere!

Sort of a 9/11 post

Everybody's posting their 9/11 reminiscences today. Most people seem to have watched the whole thing on TV and wept or stood in shock. Oddly enough, I didn't. I had no idea anything was amiss until I got to work and saw my co-workers huddled around the radio. As it became clear that this was big, my first thought was "I hope Mary [my editor who was in D.C. for a visit] got some good photos."  Then the enormity of the whole thing struck me.

Such is the thought process of a newspaperman. And that day, our little afternoon daily actually scooped the big metro papers that had all gone to press before the attack. We were on the other side of the country, not any sort of a target for even the most hateful enemy. What are they going to do, terrorize our potato fields?

So I don't have a lot of memorial stuff. What I do have is a snippet of a column by Dorothy Rabinowitz that reminds me why America is worth preserving:

There are other faces of Muslim America. Five years or so after the terrorists drove their planes and passengers into the twin towers and the Pentagon, a cab driver from Pakistan remarked, as we drove past the rubble where the towers had stood, that he could never pass this place without trying to see them again in his mind. A painful effort, for all that it brought back. What was not painful, he added, was the memory of certain people in his neighborhood—a mixed but mostly white area of Queens, with many Italian-Americans, some Jews, and he thought some Irish. After the attacks, some of the men had come to him.

"My wife doesn't go out without a head cover," he explained. The men had come to tell him that if anyone bothered her, or his family, he must come to them.

"I must tell them and must not be afraid. Do you know," he said, in a voice suddenly sharp, "what would have happened if Americans had done this kind of attack in my country? Every American—every Christian, every non-Muslim—would have been slaughtered, blood would have run in the streets. I know the kind of country this is. Thanks be to God I can give this to my children."

Thanks be to God indeed.

NYT: Hey, maybe the Klan had a point

The more things change, the more they stay the same.

(Do I even need to mention what political party the two have in common? Nah.)

If Jonathan Edwards were a feminist nutcase

I mean, seriously, doesn't this have the same cadence as Sinners in the Hands of an Angry God?

Men, homo rapiens, you scum, you filth. There is no word to describe the extent of your evil, you are pure evil, pure lechery. I hate you, how I hate you. In the 250,000 years of your rotten, defunct existence, you have managed to kill 5 million years of life on earth...

Whew! I'd beg for mercy, if only it were possible for a homo rapiens wretch like me. RTWT, if only for an appreciation of the sheer artistry of the rant. I've known plenty of Fundamentalist preachers who couldn't approach that level of pulpit-chewing, mouth-foaming intensity. (No disrespect to Fundamentalists intended.)

This, incidentally, is the same womyn-spirit who wrote the roundly-mocked screed about how all sex (at least, any that could possibly fulfill its natural function) was rape. Go ahead and read that one if you like, but you'll want to take a shower afterward.

Akubra tip to V the K.

National Tom Lehrer Week

Well, it should be.

He turned 86 last week. Who knew? Here's an excellent article on the notoriously publicity-shy genius.

And this song never really becomes dated:

You gotta know when to hold 'em...

...know when to fold 'em, and most importantly, know when to stagger away from the table and vomit in the alley before your buddies can come up with a bet like this.

Of bakers, sociopaths and brownshirts

On the religious freedom/anti-harassment bill in Arizona, V the K at Gay Patriot writes:

There are several personality traits that define a sociopath. Some of the key ones are: Superficial charm, Untruthfulness and insincerity, Lack of remorse and shame, and Pathologic egocentricity and incapacity for love,

A sociopath is not led by facts and reason to a conclusion; they are not relevant, only the conclusion is relevant. The sociopath wants what he wants. Often, what he wants is ego gratification through forcing others to capitulate.

You can’t argue with sociopaths. They don’t care about reason, or liberty, or freedom. They only care about getting their way; which in this case means forcing Christians to bake cakes and arrange flowers for gays. Because that will mean that they win and Christians lose, and that’s all that matters; the Power. And they know that their fellow sociopaths in politics, business, the media, and the courts… career fields that reward and celebrate sociopathic behavior… will be only too happy to grant them that power.

Normal, reasonable people are capable of getting along without constantly having to stir sh-t up. But Drama Queens (which, when you think about it, is just another word for sociopath) love stirring sh-t up and turn people against each other for their benefit and amusement.

Before I get into the main topic, let me first say that the next person who uses the phrase "Jim Crow" will be clopped upside the head with a history book. Jim Crow laws prohibited merchants from serving customers across the color line. They were a restriction on the freedoms of business owners, closer in intent to the "civil rights" legislation currently in place than to this attempt to mitigate their coercive nature.

Most opponents of this bill probably know only what they hear in the news, which is to say, nothing. The bill does not allow businesses carte blanche to deny service to gay people. No restaurant, no cab driver, is going to be permitted to turn away a gay customer. Even the baker and the florist cannot refuse to make a cake or arrange flowers for gay people simply because they're gay. All it does is close a loophole in existing law, to extend to religious believers the same protection from punishment by individuals that they already have from punishment by government.

Now to the meat of it. What kind of person opposes that protection? The word "sociopath" is a strong one, not to be used lightly.
In other states that have no protections, it has become a trend for gay customers to approach, say, bakers who feature their Christianity prominently in their advertising,  and order a wedding cake. The baker refuses politely, explaining that his religion forbids him to participate in blasphemy, and refers the customer to another bakery. The gay people take their wounded feelings first to court, where they bankrupt the baker, and then to the news media, where they all join in a chorus of "Ooh, those awful Jesus Freaks!" In the meantime, some other baker has made them a cake for free by way of consolation.

Here's where sociopathy comes in. If the stated purpose is true, that the goal is to buy a wedding cake, there are plenty of bakers out there to choose from. The customer has the choice of buying from one of the many who do want his business, or the one that doesn't. He chooses the unwilling one. At this point, it's not just about the cake, but about getting the cake by force. When a man does this with sex, we call him a rapist. When it's commerce, he's hailed as a courageous activist. At bottom, they're both sociopaths.

But I doubt very much that the cake is the issue. The issue is whether people who are different may be left alone, or must be ostracized and punished. Targeting a small minority – and Christians with this scruple are a minority – in order to put them out of business is (pace Godwin's Law) the same method used in pre-Holocaust Germany, albeit on an individual basis rather than a wholesale one. The law is merely the cudgel with which to beat the undesirable people. And the people who engage in it are still brownshirts, whether they display swastikas or rainbow bumper stickers.

A sociopath wants to harm people to feel powerful. A brownshirt wants to harm people because he hates them personally. Two different kinds of two-legged vermin.

No, child protective agencies don't have too much power

Why would you say that?

(And remember, if you do, your kids could be next. *cough*Wenatchee*cough*)

Akubra tip to Mark Shea.

Things you need to know #462:

My friend Lazarus Lupin was found dead in his home two nights ago. He and I became friends in middle school, bonding over mutual geekery. He introduced me to bad movies, thud-and-blunder fantasy literature and the eldritch horrors of H.P. Lovecraft. He had the bizarrest sense of humor I've ever encountered (and looking at my other friends, that says a lot). We lost touch after high school and only reconnected a few years ago on Facebook and in the blogosphere. I wish I could have seen him one more time.

Travel in elephants, Mike. That is all, maho maho.

Not dead yet!

I know, I know, I haven't posted since Christmas Eve. Mea culpa.

Part of the delay has been my new job. I'm no longer a one-man department at the (former) Greatest Newspaper in the Northwest™. Rather, I've been promoted and am now a one-man newsroom (and composing department and everything but ad sales) at the NEW Greatest Newspaper in the Northwest™. (The link in the sidebar will be changed to reflect the re-ranking as soon as the new paper's website is up.) It's a monthly agricultural news publication covering all of Central Washington. It's owned by the same corporation as the paper I just left, but it's kept carefully separate. This is the sort of challenge I've been working for for the last 17 years, and so far I'm loving the bejabbers out of it.

Trouble is, there was a major project (the actual term I use for it is a bit more pungent than "project") that I was still working on at the other paper. I've been trying frantically to get it out while hitting the ground running at the new job. That latter part isn't helped by the fact that my predecessor here left abruptly and took her staff and most of her archives and information with her. Frustrating.

Meanwhile, we seem to have settled everything with the bank and are going to be able to keep our house. We also were approved for SSI for Visigoth and Ostrogoth, which is good because they're the reason my Lovely and Brilliant Wife can't accept a job outside the home. It's hard to work when maybe one day out of three you get a call from the school to come and pick up a melting-down child.

You may notice a few changes in the sidebar. I'm taking out the blogs that haven't posted in forever and I've got a few more to bring in. I'll try and introduce the new ones as I add them.

You're now up to date, you few, you happy few, you band of readers who still wander by here occasionally. Thanks for your patience!

Repost: The Play of the Nativity of the Child Jesus

Bringing it back from last year, not just because I'm crunched for time, but because it was a really, really good (non-) Cheesy Christmas Movie!

I've been saving this one for last, because it's decidedly not cheesy.

If you're looking for a plain old Christmas pageant on screen, you're going to be caught a bit off-guard, especially by the dialogue. This isn't some hokey Hollywood bastardization of the Christmas story. This is modeled after the medieval Nativity plays.

The archaic, rhymed dialogue and the lighting give this an overall tone of reverence and age befitting to such a holy narrative. Notably, the commercials are only at the beginning and end; the play is uninterrupted.

Such a solemn, joyful treatment of Christmas on TV is impossible to imagine today. I doubt it was commonplace even in the early 1950s. If you've watched none of my Cheesy Christmas Movie series, watch this and leave me your thoughts in the comments.



Available for streaming and download here.

Let's get childish

After the festival of banality that was the last Cheesy Christmas Movie, here's a bit of a palate-cleanser. Santa's Magic Toy Bag is a cute little TV special from 1983. The characters all appear to be Muppets, but not connected with Jim Henson. (What would you call those? Pseudo-muppets? Muppetoids?) There seems to be some connection with the TV series ALF.

The protagonist is a good-hearted bumbling elf called Sherman, who has managed to make a shambles of every department at the North Pole. He expects to be sacked, but instead is trusted with Santa's titular bag. Hilarity ensues.

It's cute. It's lightweight. It's a pleasant half-hour. Drop the whole adulthood thing for a bit and get childish.
Part 1:

Part 2:

Because every dead horse deserves one more flogging

I'm getting a late start on the Cheesy Christmas Movies this year, because I'm trying to branch out a little bit and find some new films. That means I actually have to watch these stinkeroos, at least enough to be able to review them a little bit.

Let's kick off with a fairly recent one: The Christmas Clause (2008). Apparently somebody in Movieland had a brilliant idea: "Hey! How about this for a premise? A person is unhappy with their lot in life and a guardian angel changes the past to give them an entirely different one! And they end up appreciating what they had so much more!"

It was magnificent in It's a Wonderful Life. It was even pretty good in The Family Man. But for heaven's sake, can we just let the horse corpse decompose in peace?

True, Lea Thompson gives a fair if not overly inspired performance. The viewer can feel the frazzlement right along with her during the first pivotal scene in the mall. (The hot chocolate incident alone would make Mother Teresa drop-kick the kid across the food court.) And I really, really hope that husband of hers turns out better in the second half of the film, because he's a bit of a useless oaf in the opening.

One thing they must have gotten right is that her new-and-improved life is much more unappealing than her old one. I'd take Jimmy Stewart's non-existence over her two-dimensional fantasy any day.

Presented for your revilement:




As always, do please leave a comment.