Well, that's a relief

Breathe easy, Washington! Your capital city is now a nuclear-free zone. All you plutonium cowboys and radioactive warmongers, take warning! The city of Olympia will no longer tolerate your depredations on its population.

The ordinance bans anything related to nuclear weapons from the city limits. The city also will try not to do business with companies involved in making nuclear weapons or their components.

Officials who voted to pass the ordinance said it reflects the community's values, makes a statement against nuclear weapons and ties the city's buying power to that goal.

The law specifically exempts I-5 and Highway 101, since those are national roadways and not under the city's jurisdiction anyway, and a surface street is being reesearched to see if it falls under the same category. The city will also graciously grant the Navy an exemption, and allow the USS Olympia to keep its silence on whether or not it carries nuclear weapons. Don't ask, don't tell.

Naturally, the whole state can breathe a sigh of relief at the knowledge that terrorists will no longer be able to detonate a nuclear bomb with impunity within the city limits. Can't you hear them quaking in their kabiyahs? Maybe they'll even be deterred as far away as, say, Lacey. Or better yet, Tacoma. The fragrance of fallout might even be an environmental improvement there.

Here's the real victory: Companies that do business with the City of Olympia will be required to sign an affidavit to the effect that they have nothing to do with the manufacture of nuclear weapons, and any company that refuses will be blackballed, according to the Olympian. This includes companies that contract with the federal government, especially the military. I can hear it already: "Are you now, or have you ever been, connected with the defense of the United States?" You're either with us or you're against us. Where have we heard that before?

(Don't go mistaking that for discrimination, now. Discrimination is when you boycott a business for failing to support a conservative cause. When it's a liberal cause, it's called community support.)

Now that that job's out of the way, the good citizens of Olmpia can progress to more pressing matters: a strict ordinance requiring all antelope living within the city to wear license tags, and a prohibition on the use of non-organic copier toner.

It's a really good thing the city passed this law when it did. Olympia is looking more and more like a tempting place to store nuclear weapons. Especially if you deposit them from the air.