A great idea

In these times when cohabitation is more common than marriage, it's got to be hard for a priest to deal with those couples in his parish who are in those situations. Back in a time I'd rather not remember to clearly, my ex and I lived together, and most people assumed we were married. We attended three different churches as a couple, and in each case, I don't think anybody knew we were cohabiting except the pastor. (Communion wasn't an issue, as I was still nominally a Quaker and didn't participate in the ritual anyway.) We were told (discreetly) we couldn't become members of one church until we married, but we were still welcome at services.

It's got to be more frustrating in a Catholic parish, because there are issues surrounding communion, as well as very specific rules about divorce and remarriage. The Church having been in some disarray since the 60s, it's been kind of slow to adapt to this trend. I think other parishes could stand to address the problem as proactively as Fr. Jim Tucker's:

Twice a year, we encourage couples who are in merely civil unions or long-term cohabitation to take advantage of a program I started up a few years ago. We take these couples, most of whom have children and are together for several years, and who for whatever reason didn't seek the sacrament of matrimony when they got together. They hear it advertised at Mass, so almost all of them are regular Mass-goers, but obviously unable to receive Holy Communion or to fill leadership roles in the parish. Two married couples and I give them marriage talks, meet with them, put together their paperwork, and make sure there are no obstacles to solemnizing their marriages. Then, together with the people with whom they've taken the classes, they make their vows in the parish Mass, surrounded by fellow parishioners who've been praying for them while they've prepared. The parish pays for the music, pays for the decorations, and doesn't charge a dime. And they return to the Sacraments that night at the same time they receive the convalidation of their marriages.

The week afterward, we always get a deluge of phone calls of people who were moved by the beautiful and festive celebration and want to have their own unions blessed in the same way, as well. The event is palpably sacred, the newlyweds end up becoming some of our most active parishioners, and the communal nature of the Sacrament is made patently obvious. There's no fretting over trivial details. There's no obscene expenditure of money. There's no worrying over guest lists, as all are welcome.

(For Protestant readers, "convalidation" is the process whereby a marriage that may have had questionable validity (e.g., when there hasn't been an annulment before remarrying) is declared officially to have been validly contracted. My Lovely and Brilliant Wife and I had it done, as our wedding had taken place before we had official confirmation of my annulment, and also because the priest who married us isn't in union with Rome. He's validly ordained with apostolic succession, but not authorized to do Catholic weddings in our parish. In other words, convalidation simply acknowledges that there are no technicalities to interfere with a marriage's validity.)

There are a lot of couples living without benefit of clergy these days, and a number of those are Catholics who feel like they're on the outside looking in. If Fr. Tucker's idea catches on, maybe the Church can turn this decline of marriage around.