"Man. I wish you were stupid."

How often do parents of teenagers hear that? Or at least we would, if the kids knew just how not-stupid we are. But they always think they can get past us.

Crystal (have I mentioned that she rocks my world?) had to meet with her son's principal. I'll bet from here on in, they'll both move heaven and earth to keep her from having to come in again. (Language alert!)

"Mom, you have to come to school with me tomorrow."

I avoid high school like it's my high school. I hate the banners, the noises, the ... kids. They all smell like evil.

"Why would I do that when there's so many other things I'd rather be doing, like, like - having my asscrack hair tweezed! That sounds like fun! Or, ooh, I know! I'll have someone come over and stick an egg beater up my-"

"I have five tardies. If you don't come, they'll...well, I didn't pay attention, but it can't be anything good."

"Why do you have five tardies?" I asked.

"Because when I miss the bus, you can't get it in gear and take me-"

"Stop. Think about what you're doing. You're already in shit. Do you want to compound that shit?"

He sighed. "Because I keep missing the bus."

"Exactly. If I have to go, you will sit and keep your mouth shut."

"But-"

"No. You will not say a word. If you do, I'll take my shirt off and try to climb into the counselor's lap. Capiche?"

"Man. I wish you were stupid."

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