Devon and I went to Wal-Mart on Thursday night to pick up some last minute school supplies. I was exhausted and not thinking clearly, so I told him to just get what he needed and I would mindlessly swipe my credit card at the register. This is how I approach back-to-school time, you see. It's the only way I can spend that much money (and pay interest! Yay!) on that many glue sticks and Bratz folders and other useless shit without walking into school on the first day and asking to please speak with the other twelve children I'm obviously supporting.
I was numbly standing behind him in the aisle and watching him obsess over rulers when he turned to me.
"Look at this, Mom. Who in the world would need an eighteen inch ruler?"
And without thinking, I replied, "John Holmes."
The lady passing me began shrilly giggling and my son looked puzzled.
"Who?"
I coughed. "Um, actor. Way before your time."
"But, why-"
"Just pick a damned ruler! I have places to go and interest to pay! Gah!"
My kids wouldn't have understood it either, for which God be praised.
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