Wednesday, September 13, 2006

When a loony meets a loony a-coming intae court

Okay, you're not supposed to be disrespectful of the mentally ill, and ordinarily I wouldn't be. But these people just make it so darn difficult not to.
A man has been acquitted of raping a woman - because she had at least 14 personalities.

In a bizarre case, a jury was told that the 40-year-old man was accused of sexually assaulting the woman 11 times in her home in 2004 while some of her alter egos looked on and at times intervened.

During the District Court trial that finished on Tuesday, the court was told three of the 33-year-old woman's personalities were present at one of the alleged incidents.

The complainant said two identities had been at other incidents...

In video testimony played at the trial, the woman, referring to herself as "us'', acknowledged that she had at least 14 personalities and described how one had intervened during one of the alleged incidents.

"(She) came out and was screaming at him (the accused) and said, 'You'd better not get us pregnant','' she said.

The woman said that she and that personality were "co-conscious'' with another personality – that of a six-year-old – at another alleged assault...

She conceded that at times she forgot that she did things because other personalities had done them, such as spending $3000 on her credit card.

But she denied that any of her identities would engage in sex.

The accused said on a police interview video that he had consensual sex with the woman on only one night during the three days and denied that other acts took place

This could be an interesting little legal problem, really. If one personality consented (as the man claims) and another objected, did he rape the consenting one too? Does one of them hold power of attorney or some such for the others? And what about the six-year-old one? Can she consent at all? And what kind of a pervert does that make the guy, anyway?

If one of them gets pregnant, who has ownership of the womb? Are there enough spaces on the birth certificate? Will our kids be reading Heather has 14 Mommies at school next?

Cases like this are why judges drink. A tip of the bottle hat to the wonderful Cassandra.

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

Prayer request bleg

I've never put up a prayer request for myself before, so I feel a little self-centered about it, but here goes. I'm applying today for a job and I could really use your prayers. I don't want to get into details about it, but it pays better than twice what I get now, which is the biggest reason I'd consider a change of employer. (In case it wasn't clear, I actually like my job.) But this other employer seems like a really great place to work, too, and like I said, the money's excellent.

I'd be grateful for prayers. This could be a huge opportunity for our family.

Monday, September 11, 2006

Who was Yash Skala?


If 9/11 hadn't happened, I'd never have known who John Skala was. He was three thousand miles away from me, just one more faceless stranger in a police uniform.

But John – or Yash, as he was also called – was known to lots of other people. He was known to the kids at the Ukrainian-American as the guy who taught them to play softball. He was known to his mother as a loving, attentive son. He was known to his brother as a fellow officer, and to his sister as a funny, generous young man. One of his brother officers said of him, "Johnny would give you the shirt off his back, and then he would take you to the store and buy you a pair of pants and shoes to go along with it." He couldn't sing worth a rat's patoot, but that didn't stop him from karaokeing at the top of his lungs whenever a microphone happened to be present.

He was known to his co-workers as a workhorse, taking on extra duty and working part-time as a paramedic on top of his police duties. 48-hour shifts weren't unknown to him. And on September 11, 2001, it all came to an end when he was assigned to the Lincoln Tunnel and the reports came in of the destruction of the World Trade Center. As masses of people fled the terror, Yash ran into it. Grabbing his paramedic pack, Yash convinced a New York cop that he was better qualified to go into the wreckage because of his training, and rushed inside to see whom he could save. The last anybody saw of Yash, he was on the 30th floor of the South Tower, searching for survivors. Then the tower fell in on him, and there was no more Yash. His body, like many others, was never recovered.

Lots of people still won't know who John Skala was. But in those final moments, when death dragged him away from his work saving others, the angels came to know who he was. The man who never sought the spotlight, who did his job – and more – without fanfare, is being feasted in Heaven and honored on earth. I didn't know him, but I wish I were more like him.

There's more about Yash here, here and here.

This post is part of the 2,996 Project, dedicated to remembering those who died in the most despicable attack ever levied at America. Go read as many as you can, and help keep alive their memory on earth.

Thursday, September 07, 2006

Serves him right


Seems some yobbo set up a trailer on this farmer's land and wouldn't leave, so the farmer took a more direct approach. (Click the photo to see it all.)
While the illegal tenant was still soundly asleep, Mr Roberts got into his yellow JCB forklift and prepared to teach him a lesson.

First, he picked up the man's burgundy Vauxhall Cavalier from its spot on one of his fields and dumped it unceremoniously outside his land.

Then he returned to scoop up the white caravan, still housing the unsuspecting squatter.

As it was lifted into the air, the man, in his 20s, appeared at the window looking rather groggy and startled to discover he was suddenly airbourne.

Right on!

Ick!

I'm not going to quote this one; you'll have to read it for yourself. There are some very weird people walking among us, and you can't tell them by sight. It creeps me out to think that the guy behind me at the gas station (or worse, Wal-Mart) might be this sort, and I'd never know. Especially since I work for a newspaper that prints obituary photos.

A shuddering tip o' the Akubra to Jim Romanesko.

Of course. Was there ever any question?

You Should Be a Science Fiction Writer

Your ideas are very strange, and people often wonder what planet you're from.
And while you may have some problems being "normal," you'll have no problems writing sci-fi.
Whether it's epic films, important novels, or vivid comics...
Your own little universe could leave an important mark on the world!


Everybody who's ever made their living writing has a half-started novel somewhere, and the one I've been working on in my spare time (ha!) is an alternate history, which is kind of a specialized sub-genre. I've wanted to write sci-fi since I was a kid. Alas, that too often takes the form of wanting to be a writer rather than actually wanting to write. Still, I'm plugging away, and one day you may find me in the remainder bin!

A/T to Miss Cellania, who not only rocks my world but worlds unimagined as well.

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

Rejoice!

I never thought I would be singing alleluias over gas going to $2.50 a gallon until I saw it go to $3.50 this summer. Makes a big difference when the change is downward, especially since we were hoping to go to California this year for Thanksgiving.

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Uncle Warren is busted!

Looks like the FBI has picked up one of its Ten Most Wanted.
Mr. Jeffs is the leader of a polygamous sect known as the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints and is considered a "prophet" by his estimated 10,000 followers.

The F.B.I. posting put up before the capture said Mr. Jeffs is 50 years old, was considered armed and dangerous, and may have traveled with loyal and armed bodyguards.

While a fugitive, Mr. Jeffs was still believed to have run the compound in Arizona from afar, and was said by ex-church members to have 70 wives. The community, closed to outsiders, is one in which civil government and religious authority are one and the same, and young men are forced out to make sure that the old men who run the place have a ready supply of young brides.

In general I'm sympathetic to Mormon polygamists. There are groups out there who aren't perverts; they're following the dictates of their religion under persecution. Their marriages are as close to legal under US law as they can manage without abandoning Celestial Plural Marriage, and they police themselves very well.

But John Taylor never meant his vision to be a green light for incestuous kiddy-diddling and white slavery, let alone the sort of terrorist tactics these loons go in for. Leave the honest polygamists alone, but I'd love to see the FLDS scattered to the four winds. This may make a good start.

Monday, August 28, 2006

Congratulations, Mike!

Looks like Mike at Adventure Faith has a book coming out in December. He's happy to sign copies, so order up and let's get his name out there.

Happy Monday!


Just in case anybody missed me, I've been off on vacation (mostly) for about a week and a half, much of which was spent transporting kids to the four corners of the earth. Number One Son went off to his first year at Wazoo, Number One Daughter took a bus to Michigan, and Daughters Two and Three flew to and from Texas to spend some time with their dad. And of course, there was the summer tradition of ferrying Number Two Son back and forth from his mother. So finally the family has settled into a routine with only four of the seven living at home. It's now quiet enough that we can hear Hypertot wreaking havoc on the house almost as soon as he begins, and usually before FEMA has to be called in.

Blogging will resume as soon as I get some honest work done.

Monday, August 14, 2006

"Mother" Sheehan to create refuge for deserters

News flash: They've already got one. It's called "jail."
Now almost 40 days into her fast supporting war resisters and their families, Sheehan, though weak, announced that she is offering land she bought in Crawford near Bush's ranch as a refuge for U.S. troops who desert to resist the war in Iraq...

Among a contingent of younger Iraq Veterans Against the War were several current service members.

One not wearing a name badge declined to reveal his identity. He said, with confirmation from his peers, that he was from the Seattle area, in his 20s, and had been "away-without-leave from a combat unit now in Iraq" for an undisclosed period of time.

The AWOL soldier said he decided to flee the Army after the invasion of Iraq because he believes the war illegal. He said he joined the military before 9/11 "because I had been to five different high schools and went through family problems. The military was a way to get friends and family structure."

And a steady paycheck, and a college education, and a uniform that collects chicks like lint on a sweater. But it never occurred to him that he might actually have to soldier? Please.

He considers the war illegal. Isn't that cute? This twenty-something is more expert in military and international jurisprudence than all the amateurs at the Pentagon and Congress? Or has he merely been exposed to a variety of voices, and listened to the one that told him he could collect benefits without the hazard of being shot at?

Not surprisingly, Baghdad Jim is going to address the group. God deliver the Republic from the soldiery composed of barracks-room lawyers and escape artists that Congressman McDirtbag would see us forced to rely on.

Akubra tip to Jeff Goldstein, whose name I got right this time!

File this one under "Family Values"

Mom pimps daughter to keep boyfriend from leaving.
MUSKEGON -- A woman afraid of losing her boyfriend while she was recuperating from surgery arranged to have her 15-year-old daughter be his sex partner for two months.

The man and woman now face felony charges.

Police said evidence against them includes a written contract signed by all three that specifies the sexual services and the "pay" the girl would get, including clothing and body piercings...

Police said in exchange for providing Fitzgibbon with sex, the teen would receive a desired item, such as a body piercing, clothing or a visit from her boyfriend.

Mahan said Fitzgibbon and the 15-year-old girl had sex "close to 20 times" during June and July. The girl testified in court that she chose to put on a sleeping mask when she had to have sex with Fitzgibbon.

They put this in writing? And what did her boyfriend think of all this? Makes you wonder what she'd have to do for a Klondike bar. Sigh.

Sometimes I question whether the human race really ought to continue. Maybe another flood is in order.

Thursday, August 10, 2006

Nauseating

Let me get this straight. You beat your three-year-old daughter to death. Let's say it again: you beat your child to death. And you're the victim?
Washtenaw Sheriff's Detective Craig Raisanen also said LaToya Joplin told him "she was the one who was abused when she disciplined Kayla, because she would strike her to the point that her hand was throbbing. She was the one to endure pain. She blamed her daughter.''

Kayla Joplin died early July 17 from a torn right atrium in her heart, a Washtenaw County medical examiner testified in 14A District Court on Wednesday.

Un-frimpin'-believable. Via Jim Romanesko.

Aaah! So that's it!

Now we get to the root of the problem.
After all of the bodies are counted and the damaged is assessed we have to come to the conclusion that one main group is at the center of all this terrorist activity: Airlines.

That’s right. Airlines have been at the center of September 11th and the most recent foiled terror attempt.

It’s time for the airlines to ask themselves this question: Why are we so hated? Is it the stupid bag of peanuts that some of us now charge you for? Is it that we get so easily offended when you call us stewardesses instead of flight attendants? Are the male flight attendants too queer? Not queer enough? Do you want an ENTIRE can of soda?

These are the questions the airline industry must ask itself.

Sure, there have been attacks on other transportation systems, but that’s mostly because these other systems such as the Spanish trains and those funny British buses have provided aid and support to the airlines – mostly in the form of rides to and from the airports. Sometimes in the form of advertising.

Don’t you think the terrorists see all of this? Do we have no regard for their feelings? It’s no wonder they hate the airlines.

Read the rest to see what can be done to demarginalize our fellow fliers of the friendly fiendly skies.

A/T to Kathy.

Talk about the "Ugly American"!

How embarrassing! For both him and his country.
An American tourist who ran naked through a peaceful Swiss town, vandalised a church and escaped from police clutches by jumping into a lake could have been on hallucinogenic mushrooms, a magistrate has said.

The 34-year-old man from Massachussetts, who has since been allowed to return home, ran amok in the western town of Morges, by Lake Geneva, two weeks ago.

He started babbling incoherently in the hotel lobby, stripped and ran naked along the quayside, broke a stained glass in the nearby Protestant temple with a stool and set a precious 1898 Bible alight, police in Morges said.

After being seized and handcuffed by police, he made a leap for freedom into the lake and bit two people who tried to help him while he was hanging on to a boat.

Having recovered his senses, he later appeared before investigating magistrate Gilles Riva and "coherently" explained that he had eaten 'magic' mushrooms that he had bought in the Netherlands during a trip through Europe.

And we wonder why American tourists aren't greeted with unbridled affection in Europe.

Ow!

This mistake would be so easy to make. There but for the grace of God...
A Croatian man got a nasty surprise when he tried to get out of his deck chair and found his testicles had got stuck.

Mario Visnjic had gone swimming naked in the sea at the Valalta beach in western Croatia, reports 24sata.

His testicles had shrunk while in the cool sea and slipped through the wooden slats when he sat back down on his wooden deckchair.

But as he lay in the sun they expanded back to normal size and got stuck between the slats.

Wednesday, August 09, 2006

I guess I'm surprised nobody thought of this sooner

A bar where you can beat up the staff. For an extra fee, of course.
A Chinese newspaper reports stressed-out people can now unleash their anger at a bar that lets customers attack staff, smash glasses and generally make a ruckus in eastern China.

The Rising Sun Anger Release Bar in Nanjing, capital of the eastern province of Jiangsu, employs 20 muscled young men as "models" for customers to punch and scream at.

"Customers can specify how they want the models to appear - they can even appear as women - and then they are free to give them a sound beating," the China Daily said.

The bar charges from 50 yuan ($AU8.20) to 300 yuan ($AU49) for the pleasure.

Because really, what goes better together than alcohol and unmanaged anger?

A/T to Wicked Thoughts.

Those pervy Methodists!

It's all because their clergy are all male and forced to live in unnatural celibacy. If they would just start ordaining women and homosexuals, things like this wouldn't happen anymore.

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

The computer is reading your mind

Which is probably legal under the Patriot Act, come to think of it.

This is weird. It's simple: pick a two-digit number, add the digits together and subtract that fromm the original, then stare at a symbol on the screen. The computer even knows if you're lying. I tried deliberately staring at the wrong one, and it still knew which number I had picked.

Akubra tip to The Stranger Blog. There's an explanation in the comments there, but it kind of ruined it for me. It's freaky if you don't know how it's done.

The Catholic Carnival is up

I feel like such a slouch, not having contributed for months. But here's what more diligent bloggers have written.

Happy trails, Carl!

Looks like Carl Ballard is lowering the curtain on the Washington State Political Report. I disagree with him on almost every issue; heck, I've made no secret that I want to see his turf and mine become separate states. But he's a thoughtful and intelligent blogger, for a lefty; a worthy adversary indeed. I'm sorry to see him go.

These are the people who keep America informed

Oh. My. Word.

I work with journalists, and I know there's a wide variance in the level of basic education they have. Some of them are literate and knowledgeable enough to hold an intelligent conversation with a trilobyte, and some are not. Guess which category this one falls into.
[Episcopal Bishopess Katharine Jefferts] Schori has a new set of challenges to confront with a church in a state of crossroads - including the clergy's attitude about global warming, which Schori believes is a real crisis. Old ideals about divorce, contraception and same-sex marriage have given way to a new way of dealing with the modern world.

The latter issue provided the Episcopal church with much discourse during a recent convention when it appeared to relax its rules on alternative lifestyles.

"We did say as a church that it's appropriate or acceptable for individual congregations to bless couples as a matter of pastoral practice," she said.

Then, there are other changing signs.

"We're changing attitudes about divorce," she said. The church finds it appropriate to encourage divorce for the safety of the people involved.

"We're more flexible than the Catholic church," she said.

The irony is, Catholicism was part of the Episcopal Church before a split in the 1500s. (Emphasis mine)

Wait a minute, did the split come about because Horny Henry wouldn't give the Pope an annulment? I guess the history books must have gotten it garbled. Then again, why would a professional writer need to read books?

Sometimes my profession can be downright embarrassing.

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

Preying on people in debt

My jaw literally dropped reading this. I suspect there's a special compartment in hell for frying these people.

Apostolic succession meets Amway.

Don't these people realize it's been done before? It's called the One, Holy, Catholic and Apostolic Church, and it's what most of them have left behind.

Monday, July 31, 2006

Note to whoever keeps searching for Misty Roe

The Hee Haw girl you're looking for spells her name Misty Rowe. There's some basic information here. If you're looking for nudie pictures, you're on your own, pal.

Mel and his mouth

So there's a lot of yammering about Mel Gibson and some loathesome things he said after he had a snootful and got caught driving. Apparently his apology wasn't sufficient (although it was far humbler than most of the "public apologies" I've heard). Because what you say when you're drunk is exacctly what you really think, isn't it?

Honestly, does anybody really think this would be an issue if it were any other star? But Gibson made an unapologetic, undisguised Christian film and – worse – succeeded with it. So anything he does is going to be more scrutinized than a star who fits in with the liberal establishment. Does anybody pay any attention to what Madonna has to say when she's snockered? Please.

Anybody who wants to wax self-righteous about Mel is hereby required to read this first. No excceptions.

Sorry for the light posting

The Grant County Fair is in two weeks, and I'm swamped. What does the fair have to do with me, you ask? Well, the Greatest Newspaper in the Northwest™ produces a guidebook every year for the fair, and it's probably the biggest project I work on. I'm spending long, sleepless nights at the office, cursing co-workers who are home in their soft beds and fighting down the urge to douse my computer in gas and torch the SOB. I do have another post I want to put up, but I don't know when there will be a break in the chaos.

Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue..

Friday, July 28, 2006

I don't know whether to laugh or cry

A Hip Hop Mass. Really. At least it's an Episcopal liturgy, and we kind of expect weirdness from them these days. If it were a Catholic one, I'd have some right to be upset. As it is, all I can do is stare slackjawed at the sheer awfulness of the idea.

"And even though I walk through the hood of death, /I don't back down, for You have my back..."? Oh, would that this were in the Onion!

Friday Funny

Do nuns sell cookies? This is the first I've heard of that. And if so, do they wear green habits and beret-shaped wimples?

Courtesy of Wicked Thoughts:
Two nuns out walking

Two nuns went out of the convent to sell cookies. One of them is known as Sister Mathematical (SM) and the other one is known as Sister Logical (SL). It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent.

SL: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the past half-hour?

SM: Yes, I wonder what be wants.

SL: It's logical. He wants to rape us.

SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes at the most. What can we do?

SL: The only logical thing to do of course is that we have to start walking faster.

SM: It is not working.

SL: Of course it is not working. The man did the only obvious thing to do. He started to walk faster too.

SM: So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one minute.

SL: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and I'll go this way. He cannot follow both of us.

So the man decided to go after Sister Logical and Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is worried because Sister Logical has not yet arrived. Finally, Sister Logical arrives.

SM: Sister Logical. Thank Cod you are here. Tell us what happened.

SL: The only logical thing happened. The man could not follow both of us, so he followed me.

SM: So, what happened? Please tell us.

SL: The only logical thing to happen. I started to run as fast as I could.

SM: So what happened?

SL: The only logical thing to happen. The man also started to run as fast as he could.

SM: And what else?

SL: The only logical thing to happen. He reached me.

SM: Oh, no! What did you do then?

SL: The only logical thing to do. I lifted my habit up.

SM: Oh, Sister. What did the man do?

SL: The only logical thing to do. He pulled down his pants.

SM: Oh, no! What happened then?

SL: Isn't it logical, Sister? A nun with her habit up can run faster than a man with his pants down.

And you thought this was a dirty joke...

Thursday, July 27, 2006

Monday, July 24, 2006

You get what you pay for

It looks like NARAL and Planned Parenthood are getting their money's worth out of Christine Gregoire. She's bullied the Washington State Pharmacy Board into surrendering their consciences to the abortion industry.

Good NARAL whore. Gooo-oo-oood whore.

H/T to Carl Ballard.

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

Happy birthday, dad!

My dad would have been 63 today, if he hadn't died twelve years ago. And I think it's fitting that Kinky Friedman's gubernatorial campaign should be the talk of the WaPo on his birthday. My dad introduced me to the Texas Jewboys back in the early 80s, and later to the Kinkster's books. He was a big Kinky fan, and I wish he could have lived to see this.

Friday, July 14, 2006

It's a Dead sort of day

The kids picked me up a copy of A Long Strange Trip: The Inside History of the Grateful Dead at the library the other day, and I've been wallowing in music I hadn't heard for a while. The Internet Archive has a huge collection of Dead shows available for download, and I've found some great ones, including a few I was actually present at.

I even fit a few of these (with gratitude to The Grateful Page):
YOU KNOW YOU'RE A DEADHEAD WHEN...
1. You spend more money on blank tapes than you do on rent.
2. None of your tapes have names on them, just venues and dates.
3. Everyone is your brother or sister.
4. You swear the guy walking by you at the football game just said "doses."
5. You prefix every noun with "Kind" or "ice cold."
6. You spend more money at the post office than at the gas station.
7. You still have the parking tag from NYE 1976 hanging from your rear view mirror.
8. On forms you list your occupation as "?".
9. GDTRFB, SSDD, BIODTL, FOTD, SOTM, LTGTR, and WALSTIB all mean something to you.
10. At any given moment you can compute how many days, hours, minutes and seconds it's been since Alligator has been played.
11. Someone ask you what you do for fun, and you just smile real wide.
12. The first entry on your MCI friends and family list is 415-457-6388.
13. You got #12.
14. You try to tell your Russian History professor that Marx stole the phrase "One man gathers what another one spills" from Robert Hunter.
15. You think $1.00 for a grilled cheese sandwich is pretty darn cheap.
16. You're up at 3:20 a.m. writing some stupid "You know you're a Deadhead when..."
17. Your boss notices that members of your family only become deathly ill when there happens to be a Dead show within a 1,000 mile radius.
18. Your relatives start whispering everytime you walk into the room.
19. You wake up in a cold sweat three or four times a week because you were dreaming there was a show somewhere, and you just find out and have only 12 hours to get there.
20. Whenever you walk through a parking lot you instinctively hold your right index finger in the air.
21. The compass in your car is calibrated so that it always points to the Oakland Coliseum.
22. You can install a new cylinder on a '68 VW microbus with your eyes closed.
23. You have more tie-dyes than neck ties.
24. You find it amazing that some people fill balloons with AIR.
25. You try to convince your grandmother that Aoxomoxoa is an acceptable play for a Scrabble triple word score.
26. Your dog is named Bertha.
27. Your kid is named Althea.
28. You spend New Year's Eve with your cassette deck instead of your wife.
29. Your license plate spells HEY NOW.
30. You wonder if DDN is going to have a swimsuit issue this year. (Warning: Thinking about this one may ruin your appetite.)
31. You're still waiting for that second verse of Dark Star that they started back in May of '73.
32. Your computer monitor's wallpaper is a picture of Jerry Garcia, your cursor is a Steal Your Face skull, and you sometimes swear it's leaving trails.
33. You consider :-) a new form of punctuation.
34. Left unoccupied your hand instinctively taps the beat to Not Fade Away.
35. There are still ten people shacking up in your living room from the Summer 90 tour, and you don't know any of them.
36. You consider veggie burritos gourmet.
37. Your copy of DeadBase has long since broken out of its binding and the ink is beginning to wear off the pages.
38. You try to claim gas to and from Dead shows as an income tax deduction.
39. Your stock portfolio includes 50 shares of the Haines Beefy-T division.
40. You know the ZIP code for San Rafael,CA by heart.
41. You have the postal rates memorized.
42. You know the words to Truckin' better than Bob. (O.K., this doesn't necessarily mean you're a Deadhead...)
43. You spend all morning looking for this killer Playin' jam that you think is on this tape from '72, probably the Fillmore, and you know it's a Maxwell with the label on upside down, but it doesn't have a case, and you know the tape starts with Sugaree but the last time you think you saw it, it was in '83 and it was under your friend Brian's refrigerator, or maybe it was just a filler on that Alpine Valley '89 show, which you think you probably listened to in that dude's bus on the way to Deer Creek this year, but his phone number is on the back of the ticket stub that you think you stuffed in your Soundboard copy of 7/8/78 set II, and you have NO idea where that is, so you pull out DeadBase start looking through every show since '71 that even had a Playin' but by '77 or so you forgot what you were looking for because you got wrapped up in the nice version of He's Gone where Mickey starts playing the beam with dead cat...(if this sounds like something that happens to you every day, you know you're a Deadhead.)

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

Dear pervert...

Warning: language alert!

A while back, my daughter was stalked by a predator online. She got suspicious and we checked into his fake identity, at which time he disappeared. We figured he had just gone after easier prey, and kept an eye out, but we figured that he probably wouldn't be back. Unfortunately, he knew enough about us that if he had wanted to, he could have come back and made trouble. Recently, somebody has been checking up on us who may be the same guy. So here's an open letter to the lowlife:

You have made a mistake, fella. I have transcripts of your conversations with my daughter. I have traced your contacts from before, and although I don't know your real name yet, I will soon. I'm willing to bet you show up in a database in your home state. I'm a journalist; I find things out for a living.

This is a small town, and folks here know each other. Strangers stick out like a whore in church. I know most of the cops in town, and if you stick your verminous foot over the county line, they will find you. I rather hope they don't, though.

You may think you're stalking a teenage girl, but what you'll actually find here is (as the poet said), "Six foot three of Satan, two hundred pounds of hell." I am large, ugly, and mean, and I am not the least bit intimidated by a coward who hides behind a fake name and stalks girls. I have a gun, and I'm a pretty good shot with it, but I have no intention of shooting you if I can avoid it.

Instead, I will simply deal with you by hand, up close and personal. And what's more, I will enjoy it. I will revel in feeling bones crack, and organs rupture, and blood vessels burst. Every groan, every cry for mercy, will be music to my ears. I will beat you, and kick you, and stomp you, until you are barely recognizable as a living thing. And I will take great pleasure in every blow. By the time they come to take you to intensive care, you'll wish with all your slimy heart that you had gone to jail instead. And when you get out, I will still be here waiting.


My daughter is very precious to me, and no slavering, skulking, pud-pulling pussyhound is going to threaten her. If you make trouble for her in any way, I promise here and now that I will make your life nasty, brutish and short.

If you still think you want to hassle her, bring it on. I'm looking forward to it.

Any questions?

Tuesday, July 04, 2006

Prayer request

In your prayers, please remember Michael and his family. Michael's father has been diagnosed with a particularly nasty cancer. May the Lord give Michael's dad healing if it's His good will, and if not, may He spare him pain and welcome him joyfully home when it's time.

Friday, June 30, 2006

I'm sure there's a story behind this...

But I'm equally sure I don't want to know what it is.

Man has operation to remove light bulb from his hiney.

Seems the Sioux don't think so highly of genocide after all

Back in March, the president of South Dakota's Oglala Sioux promised to open an abortuary on the Pine Ridge Reservation to make sure that the slaughter of innocents wouldn't be slowed down by the state's ban on it. Apparently this was a bit too much for the descendants of genocide victims.
PORCUPINE, S.D. - The Oglala Sioux Tribal Council voted 9-5 Thursday to impeach the tribal president for proposing an abortion clinic on the Pine Ridge Indian Reservation...

Will Peters, a tribal council member who filed the impeachment complaint, said Fire Thunder didn't have the tribal council's approval to pursue the project.

"The bottom line is the Lakota people were adamantly opposed to abortion on our homelands. The president was involved in unauthorized political actions," he said after the vote, which came after two hours of private deliberation...

Lakota values teach that abortion is wrong and life is sacred, Peters told the tribal council and the dozens of others gathered in the community center, many of whom fanned themselves in the summer heat.

"Abortion is what has drawn our tribe into the national spotlight," he said. "She basically took the whole tribe into this with her.

"We sat back and it was like watching a train wreck."

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Eddie the dog, R.I.P.



I often thought Eddie was the funniest part of "Frasier."

"Does this crown of thorns make me look fat?"

Priceless! Episcopal priestess by day, Victorian novelist by night. And honestly, I find her alter ego more believable than her altar ego.
Thus far, four days into the legislative session, we’ve been so polite. So veddy Episcopalian. So erudite and cultured and above-it-all. Very meet, right and oh, so proper.

But, the signs are all there. The explosion is about to happen. It’s like walking around and feeling the earth tremble before the earthquake strikes or the volcano erupts.


Tremble, as an explosive story of volcanic passion shakes the screen!

Emotions are running very high on all sides. At the Integrity Eucharist tonight, Gene Robinson gave a humdinger of a sermon. He could barely finish it, so chocked as he was on his tears.

A man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief, I perceive.

We were all sobbing with him – that entire church knew and understood his story, his pain – the love he has of God and Jesus and his absolute trust in the chaos of the Holy Spirit to do a new thing – all of which was his answer to the question he is most frequently asked: How can you do this? How can you do this with such grace and calm assurance?

Oh, truly, it is the voice of a god, and not of a man!

I came home after the Eucharist. I couldn’t go to the festivities afterward. I started off ready to attend, but I found myself walking the 9 blocks home to my hotel.
No, common diversions are not for such a sensitive soul as I...

Put down your beverage and go read the whole thing.

Ah, true love!

Can't imagine how any woman could let this guy get away.
CORPUS CHRISTI - A woman received a severed human finger in the mail along with a threatening letter from her ex-boyfriend that said, "This is my last chance to touch you," police said.

Corpus Christi Police Capt. John Houston said police were not sure which finger was removed or how but that it appeared to have been washed before it was mailed Friday.

He even washed it before popping it in the mail. Isn't that thoughty of him? Inexplicably, ladies, he's single!

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

How about a pill to cure bigotry?


Ever wonder how much they hate you?

This is an actual flyer being offered at Plan B Olympia to pass out in front of Ralph's Thriftway. If you recall, Ralph's is the store in Olympia that believes it has the right to determine its own inventory, even if that means not selling abortifacients. Naturally, the uterofascists have descended on Ralph's in an organized attempt to bend its owners to their will. (It won't work, though. Ralph's owner Kevin Stormans has already said he'll stick with his stance, no matter what it costs. I'm betting he will, boycott be damned.)

I knew the pro-death crowd held religious people in contempt, but this really brings home how much. This isn't about contraception, or even about abortion. These people just pure down hate Christians. Everything else is just an excuse.

Seriously cool!

A 1/5 scale Sherman tank!

I know it's meant for the kids, but I want one myself! Maybe I'll let them play with it when I'm done. Maybe.

Thanks to Rempelia Prime.

How's that for classy?

Nothing inspires faith in the American judiciary like the sight of Hizzonner shaving his nuts on the bench. How on earth do these guys get into office in the first place? Did nobody see this coming?

A/T to Jim Romanesko.

Update: Apparently the trial is a bit of a hoot. Why don't I ever get picked for juries like this?

Thursday, June 22, 2006

Dang!

How come when things like this happen, I'm always somewhere else?
People in Aberystwyth had an unexpected windfall when a man showered what is thought to be thousands of pounds into the air at a pedestrian crossing.

The man was heard to shout: "Who wants free money?" seconds before hurling the cash into the air in Alexandra Road.

H/T to A Welsh View.

"Support the Troops" when they get home, too

A reminder that returned soldiers need support as much as the ones still in the field. From OlyBlog:
In the last three years since the start of the Iraq War, it has become common to see anti-war protesters standing on opposing street corners from pro-war activists. Sometimes there are visible differences of clothing and hairstyles. Generally the differing worldviews, above and beyond opinions on the war, are strong enough that you can taste them.

Both sides, however, have latched onto one common slogan: “Support Our Troops!”

This slogan is bandied about on either side of the street as though the other side somehow doesn’t get it. In spite of their fervor many of the rally attendees have, no doubt, stepped over the bodies of disabled veterans while walking to the rallies.

I got a call the other day from the Ranger newspaper asking if Bread & Roses had seen any veterans from the Iraq War yet. We haven't. I had to be honest with the reporter. I told her that it takes time for troops' families to give up on them.


Read the rest. May we ask God to preserve the men and women who have already done their bit as much as we do for those still under fire.

A tip of the ol' Akubra to Carl Ballard.

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

Jim Baen in failing health

Sandra Miesel is asking for prayers for sci-fi publisher James Baen, who apparently has suffered a stroke and is not looking hopeful. I don't know Jim, but anybody who reads sci-fi has benefitted from his work.

Yes! Yes! Yes!

Store owner sprouts testicles; uterofascists furious.

Owners of Ralph's Thriftway, which has a pharmacy in its east-side location, say flatly they won't stock the Plan B morning-after pill on moral grounds.

"I don't want to get into a detailed debate," Kevin Stormans, one of the co-owners of Ralph's and Bayview Thriftways, said in an interview Tuesday. "I just think people have to choose when they believe life begins. There are questions about this drug on that issue."

[...]

Keylee Marineau, a boycott co-organizer with Blanding, said two-hour protests with pickets would begin at 5 p.m. June 28 at the Ralph's supermarket, and continue for three days. On July 1, the group plans to launch its monthlong July boycott of Ralph's and Bayview.

The protests won't change the policy, Kevin Stormans said.

"Obviously it's not something we would like to have happen. But it's not going to change our position. We've made our decision, and it's what we have determined. We're not going to change our position based on what happens. It's not a negotiable issue," he said.

"They certainly may have an effect on our business. If that happens, that's OK. People can make their choice. We've made our choice."


Choice? What choice do you have? Choice means doing as you're damn well told!

If Olympia weren't four hours away, I'd drive over there just to shop at Ralph's Thriftway. If anybody in Thurston County reads this, here's a list of other businesses owned by Storman's. Let's back these guys up!

A/T to The Godfather of St. Blog's parish.

Friday, June 16, 2006

Drive-by quote for the week

This weekend is Father's Day, and while I fully intend to write a long, thoughful piece on fatherhood before then, today's quote from P. J. O'Rourke makes a much more succinct point about a parenting style I lean toward myself:
Children from the age of five to ten should watch more television. Television depicts adults as rotten SOB's, given to fistfights, gunplay, and other mayhem. Kids who believe this about grownups aren't likely to argue about bedtime.

Preach it, P.J.!

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

Friday, June 09, 2006

Friday drive-by quote

The most common reaction when people find out I speak Welsh is to ask "How do you pronounce that really long village name?" (I assume they're referring to Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch and not, say, Mold, the village named for the local weather.) So I particularly enjoyed this quote my wife sent me from Blackadder:
Blackadder: Have you ever been to Wales, Baldrick?
Baldrick: No, but I've often thought I'd like to.
Blackadder: Well, don't. It's a ghastly place. Huge gangs of tough, sinewy men roam the valleys, terrifying people with their close-harmony singing. You need half a pint of phlegm in your throat just to pronounce the place names. Never ask for directions in Wales, Baldrick. You'll be washing spit out of your hair for a fortnight.

A veritable buttload of Blackadder quotes here.

Wednesday, June 07, 2006

A website for the rest of us

Anybody who has followed the Adventures of Hypertot knows we're doing our level best. However, every parent is subject to the judgmental sniffs of the Cat Brigade, the mothers of other kids who wait to pounce on our every slip. (Oddly enough, other kids' fathers tend not to be so competitive. I've been a single dad myself, and I understand why.)

Let's face it, we're imperfect parents. So are most parents, despite their insecure efforts to make us feel like our license to reproduce ought to be revoked. (News flash: we're Catholic! We're on a procreative mission from God!) The Imperfect Parent was created for us. Start off with this and count your blessings that it doesn't get this bad very often.

Monday, June 05, 2006

A letter to the governor

Dear Governor Gregoire,

On Memorial Day of this year, I went to our local walk-in clinic with heart palpitations. The condition turned out not to be life-threatening (at least for the time being), but the attending physician gave me a prescription anyway, just to make sure.

Here in Moses Lake, we have eight pharmacies, yet only one of those was open on Memorial Day, and that one didn't have my prescription in stock. I was forced to wait until the following afternoon when a special order could be delivered. Although the pharmacist was willing to refer me to another provider, her help was of no use, with other pharmacies not open.

Governor, you are currently emerging as a strong advocate for patients' rights vis-a-vis pharmacies, and so this seems like a situation in which you can be counted on to speak up. It is intolerable that although my doctor had prescribed me a medication, the pharmacists in Moses Lake took it upon themselves to make my health care decisions for me, by denying me my medication until they saw fit to open for business. I respectfully request that, as you consider what course of action to take regarding recalcitrant pharmacists, you include a proviso that all pharmacies must be open for business at any time of the day or night, every day of the year; and must stock any medication that a doctor might prescribe, no matter what it may be. For too long, patients and consumers have been at the mercy of arrogant pharmacists who decide unilaterally what hours they will work and what medications they will have available. This time it was heart medicine, but next time, it could be pain relievers, or hemorrhoid cream, or even Viagra. This tyranny of the so-called "pharmaceutical professionals" must be stopped now, before it gets out of hand. My health care decisions are between me and my doctor, and the pharmacist's job is to comply with that.

I was heartened to see how seriously you take this issue, as evidenced by your opposition to pharmacists whose religion prohibits them from dispensing the "morning-after pill." However, there are other reasons beside religion that a pharmacist might deny medication to a patient, as exemplified by my own case. Therefore, I am certain that while you are bringing Washington's pharmacists to heel and squelching religious exemptions, you will do the fair and even-handed thing by prohibiting them from closing or running out of medications as well. This way, nobody will ever be able to say that you made a special case under pressure from Planned Parenthood or NARAL.

(Edited and sent. Via Wshington State Political Report.)

How do you spell "ballsy?"

Apparently, it's spelled "H-A-R-V-E-Y."

I can't possibly add anything to this. Just read it. With a few more of these people, we might be able to do more than just slow our culture's descent into hell.

Thanks for posting this, Tim!

Friday, June 02, 2006

Could we stop doing this, please?


It's getting old. I know it's standard for news media to use photos that communicate a subconscious impression, but some of them have been repeated so many times that, frankly, it's not subconscious any more. All right, so Condi looks like a ranting demagogue and the president looks like a chimp. Whatever. You've made your immature little point. Now use a photo that doesn't make you look like seventh-graders penciling in mustaches and glasses.

Thursday, June 01, 2006

Who told you you could practice your religion?

Washington's in serious danger of allowing Catholics to continue to be pharmacists. Naturally, the neo-Know-Nothings are ready with their axe handles and fire hoses.

Remember: "Freedom of Choice" means doing as you're damn well told.

Wednesday, May 31, 2006

Albinos and paintings and grails, oh my!

I see everybody with Internet access has had something to say about The Da Vinci Code. I don't think I can add much to it. However, Doug at IllumiNations has had some good things to say on the subject. And this is probably the funniest commentary I've seen about it.

Scaryduck found himself fed up with the hype while sitting on a bus, and took action:
I did a bad good thing last week.

A young lady got on the tube at Charing Cross, and sat across the aisle from me. Sadly, she whipped out a copy of The Da Vinci Code from her handbag, going down in my estimation considerably.

Early doors, she was only on page thirty or so, which meant I had every chance of weaning her off this badly-written tripe before it was too late. So, getting off at Paddington, I told her the five words that should ultimately do the trick, and save her several wasted days having her brain DanBrown-washed...

"The Grail's in The Louvre."



Oh, and don't forget to check out The Norman Rockwell Code. Wonderful!

Feelings... nothing more than feelings...

Okay, here it is. I promised Michael a reply to his post about emotions and faith. It's a long response, and I'm not sure how much sense it will make, but here goes.

Back at the beginning of the month, Michael said:
I have always disagreed with the view that faith is not a feeling. I think that sounds good, and I know many western theologians teach that faith is only a "God initiated commitment of the will... despite how one feels." (Matthew Henry, Hank Hannigraf, etc.)

But an emotional awareness of God's presence is absolutely a part of faith. The thought that it is not a large part of faith is, in my view, completely wrong. We should not think that Paul, on the Damascus Road, simply gave mental assent to the person and teachings of Jesus without a significant emotional awareness that Christ just knocked him off his ass. Nor should we assume that David's emotions were "less than faithful" or "wrong" while he danced half naked through the streets of Jerusalem. Emotions are created by God. They are not evil or any more a tool of the devil than intellectualism is. Emotional awareness of God and an intellectual commitment of the will (without emotion) are both designed by God and useful for growing in faith.

With all our Bibles and commentaries and web resources and radio teachers and seminaries... it is so easy for us to take emotions out of the equation. For the person in other parts of the world who doesn't have all our teachers and resources... God uses emotions in a profound way - as a primary building block of faith.

Michael recognizes (and rightly so) that faith goes beyond the intellectual. Simply acknowledging a fact is not faith; otherwise, my religion could just as easily hinge on my undying belief in the Second Law of Thermodynamics, or in the date of the Battle of Antietam. St. James highlights this when he points out that even the demons believe in Jesus on an intellectual level.

But where Michael slips, I think, is in making the issue solely between emotions and intellect. This is a hallmark of Protestant theology, inherited from the Reformation, which tended to render everything down to the intellectual or "spiritual" plane, in a pendulum swing against what the reformers saw as idolatrous reliance on icons and sacramentals for salvation.

Even today, Protestants often look askance at any physical manifestation of faith as works-righteousness or dead religious ritual. But we're not talking about salvation here; for the Christian struggling with an emotional wasteland, that's already been dealt with. Righteous works don't have to be done out of fear of Hell.

I'm going to flash back to my misspent youth for a moment, and quote a bawdy limerick I learned as a vulgar-minded boy:
"For the tenth time, dull Daphnis," said Chloe,
"You have told me my bosom is snowy;
You have made much fine verse on
Each part of my person,
Now do something -- there's a good boy!"

Is Chloe in any doubt about her lover's knowledge of her... er... attributes? Hardly. He's made his intellectual appreciation of her very plain. But the dimension that's missing is that of action. Should Daphnis be struck blind, or lose his power of speech, he won't cease to love Chloe, nor will she question his love for her, if his actions bear it out.

(Let's discreetly draw the curtain on the pair, shall we, and get back to more spiritual – and less lecherous – matters.)

Maybe a good place to take it up again is a consideration of the word "spiritual." Why is it, exactly, that we draw a dichotomy between the spirit and the body, but not between the spirit and the intellect, or the emotions? Why should the spirit be lumped in with the brain and the feelings, to the exclusion of the body?

Well, we see a certain amount of that in the Bible, especially in Paul. He frequently speaks of the carnal as something in conflict with the Christian's spirit. But nowhere does he suggest that the body should be dispensed with entirely, or indeed that it's evil in itself. That came later, with the Gnostics and the Albigensians. Rather, he points up the need for the Christian not to be ruled by his body; to remember that Christianity is more than just the physical.

Okay, so why am I restating the bleedin' obvious, and being really long-winded about it to boot? Because nobody ever pits the spirit against the heart. Nobody calls an emotionally-charged faith "dead." On the contrary, at least by the Evangelicals I grew up among, a church that practiced a lot of ritual was called dead, and recited prayers were derided as "pat." (Or worse, as vain repetition.) Spontaneity and fervor are seen as the best expressions of our love for God, and anything less seems kind of fakey.

But who's faking: the person who intersperses his prayers with the ubiquitous "andLordwejust" or the one who automatically descends to one knee upon entering a church? Neither is faking, necessarily. Nor is the Christian who suddenly bursts into song while driving down the road. What all of them are doing is expressing the fourth factor in faith: attitude.

I don't mean to leave emotions out of the equation entirely. What they are is something like the sensation in your hands. They can be positive, as when petting a cat, or negative, as when Kitty gets tired of being stroked and reduces your skin to tatters. Either way, they're both an indicator of our state and an enhancer of it. When we're strong in the Lord, we feel strong, which in turn makes it easier to act strong. It's a cycle, rather than a unidirectional cause-and-effect.

When David danced, he was acting out of an attitude of appreciation for God, and joy that his faith had been vindicated. When Saul converted, he was encouraging in himself an attitude of submission. When I genuflect, when Michael raises his hands in worship, we're both expressing physically something we've checked out intellectually and are now experiencing emotionally: an attitude of submission, repentance and appreciation for the Lord.

On a temporary basis, all the factors are dispensible. We can do without the physical, as many of the more stringent Protestant denominations insist on doing. We can do without the intellectual; I can't count the times some apologist's argument has caused me to wonder if I'm really just drinking Jonestown Kool-Aid. And we can do without the emotional, as I've learned during times of depression and burn-out. (That last is a really disturbing thought to some Christians; they think they've abandoned Christ if they have a bad day, and so they try to create the emotions within themselves).

But all of those things can come and go. What doesn't change is the basis for our faith: not a fact, but a Person. Paul says "I know Whom I have believed," not "what." And our faith is a combination of all those four things: body, mind, heart, and attitude. It's our response to a Person, an objectively real Person, and not just something we ourselves determine according to how we feel or what we think.

So yes, emotions count. They spring from our attitude, and they strengthen our attitude, whether it's a Godly one or a sinful one. But in the end, God won't greet us at the gate with "Well done, thou good and jubilant servant." Being faithful is a lot more than feeling happy.

There's no place like blog! There's no place like blog!

[/click ruby slippers]

After a longer-than-expected hiatus, I'm back. Hopefully things have slowed down on the office front that I can waste some valuable time posting again.

Friday, May 19, 2006

Sorry for the silence

I've been working like a madman to meet a host of deadlines at the paper, and I haven't really had time to meet blogging commitments. (Yes, Michael, I still remember that I owe you an answer about emotion and faith.)

Today, incidentally, marks nine years that I've worked for the Greatest Newspaper in the Northwest™. I think I'll pour another cup of coffee in self-congratulation and stick my nose back up against the journalistic grindstone.

Look for actual posts in a day or two.

Friday, May 12, 2006

Stop it!

Stop that research! It's safe, I tell you! Safe! Why are you questioning us?

But just to make sure, we're going to stop prescribing that you take it in a manner not approved by the FDA. Just as a precaution, you understand. Against nothing in particular. Perfectly safe...

Thursday, May 11, 2006

Potter, clay, husband and wife

Tim Challies has an excellent review up of a book called Love that Lasts, pondering the parallel between earthly marriage and Christ's marriage to His bride, the Church. I know it's a topic that's been done before, but Tim brings a freshness and honesty to it that's hard to match:
Is Christ pleased with the baby steps He sees in my life, or does He lament that I do not grow more--that I do not grow faster? Does He rejoice with me as I grow in my knowledge and love of Him? Is He glorified even in the smallest, halting step I take towards being further transformed into His image?

I thought about this for a while. And then I saw in myself and in my attitude towards my wife just a shadow, a fleeting glimpse, of the work of Christ. I love my wife dearly. I love Aileen so much that my heart aches for her sanctification. I love few things more than seeing my wife reading her Bible, teaching the children about God, and being with her in times of worship. I pray continually that God will continue to mold her into His image. And, if I look carefully, I can see times when I have provided the leadership to help move her (and myself, and our children) towards this goal. I can see where I have been committed to the process. And best of all, I can see the joy I have taken both in leading her through the process and in seeing the results of the process. In my relationship with Aileen I can see, as if in a dim, clouded mirror, a reflection of the work of Christ in my life.

Of course I can also see with startling, shameful clarity the inumerable times that I have failed. I can think of opportunities missed or deliberately avoided. I can see times where my own selfishness and laziness have no doubt robbed Aileen of many a blessing. Yet my faith is stirred when I think that God never misses an opportunity. God is faithful where I am faithless, committed where I am laxadasical, strong where I am weak.

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

Another Gnostic gospel discovered!

This should shake the very foundations of Christianity!
But it happened that after Jesus had risen from the dead he spent eleven years speaking with his disciples without pausing for breath. And he taught them only as far as the places of the first ordinance and as far as the places of the First Mystery, which is within the veil which is within the first ordinance, which is the 24th mystery outside and below, but the 45th mystery on Tuesdays, these which are in the second space of the First Mystery, which is before all mysteries the Father in the form of a dove. And Jesus said to his disciples: “I have come forth from that First Mystery which is the last mystery, namely the 24th, or the 45th on Tuesdays.”

And the disciples did not know and understand that there was anything within that mystery. So they used it to carry home their dry cleaning.

H/T to Cacciaguida.

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

It's not fair!

Aberdeen already has one of the highest suicide rates in the NW. If you've ever been there, you know why. So why make it worse with this?

(I did think the couch-jumping contest would have been a nice touch, though.)

Musical geography

There's a seriously cool thread in the comboxes for this post at It Comes in Pints. I can't recall when I've had so much fun with one blog post.

Mint juleps!

A mint julep is a mystical experience. I learned how to make a makeshift version of the beverage a couple of years ago, and I've wondered ever since if they're not the best argument in favor of the Confederacy winning the war. The author of this recipe would probably be appalled that a non-Southerner had even read it. (I refuse to be called a Yankee; I live farther from New England than he did.) But it does carry a certain amount of the grace of the part of the South that still considers itself antebellum.
The preparation of the quintessence of gentlemanly beverages can be described only in like terms. A mint julep is not the product of a FORMULA. It is a CEREMONY and must be performed by a gentleman possessing a true sense of the artistic, a deep reverence for the ingredients and a proper appreciation of the occasion. It is a rite that must not be entrusted to a novice, a statistician, nor a Yankee. It is a heritage of the old South, an emblem of hospitality and a vehicle in which noble minds can travel together upon the flower-strewn paths of happy and congenial thought....

A gentlemanly H/T to Fr. Jim Tucker, with whom I regret that I'll probably never get to share a mint julep this side of heaven.

Y'betcha! Pass the lutefisk, Ole!

You gotta be kidding!




You're Minnesota!

You love hanging out around lakes, even if they're frozen solid. Given your probable Scandanavian heritage, it all just demonstrates that you're pining for the fjords. Your obsession with wrestling got a little carried away for a while there, and this should prompt some serious reflection about the separation of mind and body. It may be time to celebrate, even throw your hat up in the air. You're going to make it after all.


Take the State Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.



Yes, my ancestry is more Norwegian than anything else. But I'm a seventh- or eighth-generation Washington brownsider, and I've never even been to Minnesota. I'm not absolutely certain the place even exists. I think it's interesting how much more an eastern Washingtonian's answers apply to a state like Minnesota than to the more populous, more liberal, more green Puget Sound area.

H/T to Julie, who's fortunate enough already to live in the state the quiz selected for her.

Friday, May 05, 2006

Are you sure about that, old sport?




You're The Great Gatsby!

by F. Scott Fitzgerald

Having grown up in immense wealth and privilege, the world is truly at your doorstep. Instead of reveling in this life of luxury, however, you spend most of your time mooning over a failed romance. The object of your affection is all but worthless – a frivolous liar – but it matters not to you. You can paint any image of the past you want and make it seem real. If you were a color of fishing boat light, you would be green.


Take the Book Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.



I didn't try to manipulate the test or anything, but if you attempted to come up with my diametrical opposite, this would be a good description.

A/T to Compassion Fatigue Julie at Happy Catholic.

Thursday, May 04, 2006

Shut up and do as you're told!

You're just the pharmacist. It's not like you're a trained professional. What business do you have deciding for yourself what your store will carry? We'll make the choices for you, dammit! That's why we're pro-choice!

The language originally proposed at yesterday’s meeting by the Department of Health would have required that pharmacists fill all lawfully prescribed drugs and devices unless those drugs are unsafe for the client or fraudulent, or if there is another pharmacist available on-site who will fill the prescription.

But by the end of the meeting an alternative version emerged that permits a pharmacist to refuse to serve a patient and refer them elsewhere.

The meeting was largely dominated by Pharmacy Board member Donna Dockter, a Seattle pharmacist whose term expires next January. Dockter spent the majority of the meeting expressing her strong opposition to a pharmacists’ duty to fill lawful prescriptions and advocated for new language that would permit a pharmacist to refuse a patient and refer them somewhere else.

Dockter’s version reads that if a pharmacist “cannot fill a lawfully prescribed stocked drug or device,” that pharmacist may “transfer the prescription to another pharmacist,” regardless of whether the other pharmacy stocks the drug or not.


You know, the mantra of the pro-death crowd used to be "Don't push your morality on us!" Now it's "Respect our auth-or-i-tah!" Pushing morality is only bad if religious people do it; we shouldn't even be allowed to keep our morality to ourselves.

I thought this comment was especially representative of the uterofascist line:
Donna Dockter, eh? Does anyone know what pharmacy this dumb fucking bitch works at? It would be nice if we could exercise some consumer McCarthyism and boycott pharmacies that employ Fundie pharmacists.


Of course, by the logic these jackbooters employ, it should be illegal to make business choices based on your personal beliefs. But we'll leave that aside for a moment. Besides, I expecct that personal harassment will be forthcoming instead. If I was able to find out quickly enough where she works, I imagine the brownshirts will too. Her home address shouldn't be that hard to find, either. I wouldn't want to hold the insurance policy on, say, her front picture window. (Update: Found 'em both. Took about five minutes.)

Let's note first that "Fundies" are a very small segment of the people who will be affected by this. The largest group is Catholics, and that's what really gravels the uterofascists. Frankly, the Catholic church is the biggest obstacle to making opposition to abortion illegal. The Church stubbornly refuses to change its stance to reflect non-members' demands, and this is intolerable. Allowing practicing Catholics to be members of professions that would otherwise be involved in abortion is a tacit admission that there is a moral question involved. So they have to be eliminated.

The next step will be to require all doctors to offer abortions, under the same logic. Then lawsuits against the Church will start cropping up demanding that they desist from prohibiting its members from participating in abortions. In the end, these people are hoping to see the Church outlawed altogether. (Don't laugh – it's happened before in this country.)

The other thing to bear in mind is that the venom is directed only at people who don't believe in abortion. Other private businesses are left alone. Would there be a hue and cry against a convenience store that refused to sell cigarettes? Not bloody likely!

I'll believe that these people are honest in their convictions when they support a law requiring kosher delis to sell ham.

Via Washington State Political Report.

Monday, May 01, 2006

The Dogs-Playing-Poker Code

Of course there was more than met the eye to those paintings. Much like a philosopher with hemorrhoids, it stood to reason.

Speaking both of reason and hindquarters, it also makes sense that the Wittenburg Door would come up with something like this. And that I would owe an Akubra Tip to Kathy Shaidle.

Wednesday, April 26, 2006

This is too much honor

I'm not worthy to unlace her Nikes.

H/T to Theocoid.

Prayers answered!

Some of us here at St. Blog's have been praying hard for Albertus Minimus and his little boy Minimus Minor, who's been in the hospital fighting for his life. He's home now exhausting his parents with boundless energy, and I'll bet there's never been a couple so happy to be worn out. Praise the Lord!

Bonnie Owens, R.I.P.



Story here. Right on the heels of Buck's passing, too. The second generation of country music greats is disappearing fast.

Travel in elephants, Bonnie.

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

I've actually never been south of San Francisco or east of Denver

Displaced Southerner
You are 78% true Southern!
You're pretty Southern, but something is keeping you from being a true Southern Belle or Gentleman. Maybe you've moved, or maybe your parents were Yankees and brought you up without ever taking you fishing or hunting or to Memaw's for chicken and black-eyed peas. You know your Southern facts and culture, but that literature still escapes you. And when you order tea at a restaurant, you expect it to come "unsweet." Yikes.
Next time you have the chance, visit a classic Southern downtown area and spend an afternoon just soaking it in... Montgomery, Birmingham, Jackson, Natchez, Memphis, Charleston, Atlanta, or even New Orleans!



My test tracked 1 variable How you compared to other people your age and gender:
free online datingfree online dating
You scored higher than 39% on Southerliness
Link: The Southern-ness Test written by gwennykate on Ok Cupid, home of the 32-Type Dating Test


A courtly H/T to Fr. Tucker, who actually earned his percentage (85!).

Meanwhile, back at the lie factory

Here's a study you won't be reading much about, at least not until the abortion pushers have a chance to discredit the author. It'll disappear just like the study on abortion and breast cancer.

State pharmacy board sells out Christians

How dare those Jesus freaks push their [constitutional right to follow their own] religion on the rest of us?
Under state law, a pharmacy must maintain a representative assortment of drugs in order to meet the pharmaceutical needs of its patients — but the only drug pharmacies are required to stock is Ipecac syrup, to treat accidental poisoning.

Saxe said the stocking provision isn't intended to give pharmacies an easy avenue to avoid filling certain contraceptive prescriptions by refusing to carry the drugs. Rather, it is intended to keep pharmacies from being disciplined simply because they have run out of a certain drug, he said.

"I think the intent is to make sure that when somebody legitimately has a shortage of product, that they are not brought up for discipline," he said. "I don't see that as the board looking at an out for not taking care of appropriate patient needs."

Translation: I don't care if you do own the pharmacy. You'll sell what you're damn well told to sell.

I don't like to toss the term around too lightly, as it's been misused so much that the original meaning is forgotten, but the word for a system in which property is owned privately but controlled by the state is fascism. Look it up if you like. And you thought the word "uterofascist" was purely rhetorical, didn't you?

Heil Gregoire!

Monday, April 24, 2006

Bless me, Father, for I am a psychotic pretty-boy with placenta on my breath

Tom Cruise in the confessional (with a fake priest, be it understood). I laughed so hard the company may have to replace my chair. Warning: Language alert!
VOICE: I joined a cult, and now I’m helping them persecute unbelievers.

ME: Oprah’s book club?

VOICE: Worse. The Church of Scientology.

ME: Oh, my God. You’re an idiot.

VOICE: WHAT?

ME: You’re an idiot. How could you fall for that crap? A religion created by a science fiction writer? I mean, Philip K. Dick, I could see. I can imagine a thinking person becoming a Disciple of Dick. But L. Ron Hubbard? He BLEW, man.

VOICE: Are you going to help me or make fun of me?

ME: I’m sorry, kid, but you really sandbagged me with that one. How can you be so stupid? The only people who fall for that crap are high school dropouts and egotistical Hollywood pinheads like that sawed-off, Napoleon Complex runt, Tom Cruise.

VOICE: “SAWED-OFF NAPOLEON COMPLEX RUNT”? How DARE you! You…you A-HOLE!

ME: That’s going to cost you some Hail Marys.

VOICE: Tom Cruise is charismatic! He’s a groundbreaking entertainer with talent to burn! He’s a sex symbol! He’s a philanthropist!

ME: He’s a bicurious dwarf with an obvious chin implant.

VOICE: Oh, God.

ME: Did you see him in The Last Samurai? He looked like Cliff Clavin in a silk nightgown.

VOICE: Oh, God.

ME: And for twenty million dollars, he couldn’t drop that gut? All I could think in that last scene was, “that poor horse.”

VOICE: I’M TOM CRUISE, DAMN IT!

ME: You’re shitting ME. My son.

Go thou and read it. Now. And a tip o' the hat to Ken S. the Xenuphile.

Sunday, April 23, 2006

Let's get a discussion going here

The Nineteenth Amendment: Was it a good idea, or a bad idea? Yes, it looks like an attempt at fairness on the surface, but what were the long-reaching effects? The two-income economy? The rise of single motherhood? How about the abortocaust? Could the pro-death lobby have sold an all-male electorate on abortion? Discuss.

Friday, April 21, 2006

Say "aaaarrggghhh!"


Would you accept a breast exam from this man?
MIAMI — A 76-year-old man claiming to be a doctor went door-to-door offering free breast exams, and was charged with sexually assaulting two women who accepted the offer, police said Thursday.

One woman became suspicious after the man asked her to remove all her clothes and began conducting a purported genital exam without donning rubber gloves, investigators said.

I've heard of that being used as a barroom pick-up line: "Don't be alarmed, miss. I'm a freelance gynecologist!" I've never heard that it was all that successful, though, unless you define "success" as rolling on the floor in tears clutching what used to be your scrotum.

Still... look at the guy! I'm sorry, but if I were a woman, I wouldn't submit to an exam from someone like this if I had personally witnessed his graduation from med school, and inked the diplomas myself.

Primacy over primates

I'm pretty sure I took this quiz once before, but Miss Cellania posted a link and I couldn't resist trying it again. It's tougher than it sounds.

Monkey Challenge Trivia Quiz
I beat the monkey by 25 points.
Monkey Challenge Trivia Quiz

Thursday, April 20, 2006

Hometown Meme

Tagged by the delightful Miss Cellania, it falls to me to come up with fascinating foursomes of interesting things about my hometown of Moses Lake, Washington. (Miss C. cheated and used her whole state. However, my hometown is about twice as big as hers, so I don't think I can plead that excuse.)

Ya gotta understand, most people who even know where Moses Lake is think of it as a cluster of Stop-n-Rob stores and truck stops on I-90. If you're driving from Seattle to Spokane, you stop to pee and get coffee in Moses Lake, and that's about it. But Moses Lake is more than just the Land of Java and Urine. Here's a few things I'll bet you didn't know about Moses Lake:

Four things about Moses Lake
1. Despite Washington's reputation for rain, Moses Lake gets an average of 330 days of sunshine a year.
2. Interstate 90, which runs through Moses Lake, is the longest interstate in the country, running from Seattle to Boston.
3. Moses Lake made national news when the first of the school massacres occurred here in 1996. I waxed longwinded about it here and here.
4. Moses Lake is a fairly recent development as cities go, even for Eastern Washington. There is only one building over two stories in town, and it's less than ten years old. The oldest house in town was built in 1905. The city wasn't even incorporated until 1938. (And my uncle was the first mayor!) History here is measured "before the water" and "after the water," referring to the Grand Coulee Dam, which brought irrigation in 1952. If your family arrived here after the water, you're a newcomer.

Four things even most Washingtonians don't know about Moses Lake
1. Evel Knievel made his first jump here, back in 1965.
2. Something like three-quarters of McDonald's french fries come from farms around Moses Lake and are stored here for processing. In your face, Idaho!
3. We have one of the biggest airports in America, and the second-longest runway west of the Mississippi. We're an alternate landing site for the Space Shuttle, although so far none has ever landed here. But we can always hope!
4. At one time, the largest brothel in Washington was located in Wheeler, which is now part of Moses Lake. The joint is still there, I'm told, but it's a lot smaller than it used to be. I can't say for certain; I've never been there. Honest.

Four cool things to do around Moses Lake
1. Concerts at the Gorge Amphitheater, just outside of (I am not making this up) George, Washington.

2. Cliff diving at Deep Lake.
3. Staring in awe at Dry Falls. Scroll down and look, but the photo doesn't do it justice. You have to stand at the top to appreciate it.
4. Dining at the top of the Space Needle, shown at right.

Four people I'm tagging with this: Pilgrim, Scott (that one ought to be interesting!), Hindu, and Patrick. Except for Hindu, they all live in bigger urban areas than I do, so there should be a lot more material to choose from.

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

False witness


My Lovely and Brilliant Wife has already alluded to this revolting business in kind of a general way, but now that it's gone out on the AP wire, I can talk about it a bit more specifically. On Good Friday, we had a substitute priest, one that's come out from Yakima in the past while our pastor was sick. He read aloud a letter from Fr. Morse, explaining that he had been recalled to the Jesuit provincial headquarters in Portland pending an investigation into accusations that he molested a child. The allegations are three or four decades old, and at a parish in the Spokane diocese, next door to ours. Apparently, the claim was filed in the last two hours before the deadline for new claims against the Diocese of Spokane, under the terms of the diocese's bankruptcy.

I'm pissed off on so many levels about this. First, there's no doubt whatsoever in my mind that Fr. Morse is completely innocent. None. I know Fr. Morse fairly well. He's not only my pastor but the only pastor I've ever had. He baptized my daughter, convalidated my marriage, and received me into the Church. He loves children, likes people in general (although he's a bit shy), and most importantly, treats his vows with the utmost seriousness. I could, if I stretched my credulity as far as it could go, imagine him having done something despicable 35 years ago. Unlikely, but conceivable. Everybody sins. But if he had, he wouldn't be denying it now. I know, that sounds naive of me, but it's true. Fr. Morse's nature is such that he would no more hide from the consequences of sin than he would dance on tables at a truck stop waving his winkie to the rhythm of "I Want Your Sex." Just wouldn't happen.

Let's consider what-all we know about the accusations themselves. There's precious little information available, but we do know that the claim was filed at the last minute. There's been a plethora of advertising and publicity about the deadline; I know, because my paper ran ads for it, as did just about every paper in Eastern Washington. So what excuse is there for not filing until two hours before the deadline? Obviously the vermin didn't just glance at the calendar and say "Woops! I forgot to sue the Church!" It looks a lot more like a last-minute attempt to take the money and run.

Second, notice that the claim refers to Fr. Morse's time at Omak as a parish priest. I don't know the dates for certain, but as I understand it, Fr. Morse spent a lot of his career teaching high school in Tacoma, and I think elementary school as well. If he were a pervert, that would have been like the Happy Hunting Ground. Yet nobody has ever suggested that he behaved improperly at a school. A parish priest, however, deals with altar boys, which is much more in keeping with the stereotype this person wants to play on. And schools are much more regimented than parishes, with more chances to check reccords and see whether an accusation is even possible. A parish isn't so organized, and so makes a softer target.

The last piece is the one that burns my ass the most. Fr. Morse, now in his 70s, has cancer. Leukemia. When the substitute priest filled in for him last year, it was because he was having treatment in Spokane for it. Given the speed with which things progress in Church lawsuits, it's not at all unlikely that Fr. Morse simply won't live long enough to be exonerated. And it's a lot harder for a dead priest to defend himself than a live one, increasing the chances that this lying leech will collect money by default.

Between Fr. Morse's character (I'm hesitant to use a word like "saintly," but it fits) and the questionable aspects of the allegations, this whole thing stinks like a waterfront brothel the morning after payday. I don't know what there is to do but pray for him annd vent on the blogosphere. May God grant the good father enough time to see himself exonerated, and treat the SOB who accused him... well, with more mercy than I would if it were up to me.

Thursday, April 13, 2006

The gory details

I don't understand the female need to discuss so vividly the blow-by-blow of the birthing process. I've been present for four of them, and it always seems to me to be just a jumble of blood, yelling, and eventually a baby. The actual details are kind of grody, I've always thought. But if you're the sort that's fascinated by them, my Lovely and Brilliant Wife has them up here.

Uriah: a Heep big stud

I couldn't resist. Michael at Adventure Faith has some thoughts about the only person in the whole David-Bathsheba debacle who acted honorably. I'd never really thought much about Uriah the Hittite before, but Michael apparently has.

I first ran across Michael's blog while I was looking for information about his grandmother, from whose books I learned Bible stories in a way I would never have otherwise. She had a way of bringing the stories to life in a way that made you realize that they had happened, not just to some sort of Biblical archetypes, but to actual people. Michael seems to have a touch of her storytelling gift.

Pictures

Don't you just hate when people bore you to tears with pictures of their insufferably homely offspring? I do too. I find it really hard not to embarrass them by reminding them that their little spawn can never compare to my own flawless little gems. So to anybody who is hurt by this reminder of their genetic inferiority by looking at these, I'm really sorry.

Nevertheless, here are the pictures I promised last week. Behold and marvel!


Mona looking like the smart-elbow I have no doubt she'll grow up to be.


From a slightly different angle, making her nostrils look downright cavernous. You could smuggle illegal immigrants across the border in those critters!


And just so he won't feel left out, two-year-old Dai trying to fill his older siblings' shoes.

Wednesday, April 12, 2006

All quiet on the blogging front

But not at home, alas. The new baby sleeeps a lot – during the day. She gets all her activity in at night, like any newborn. Meanwhile, the two-year-old has been like Satan in Pampers, what with new-baby jealousy and his natural rambunctiousness. And my Lovely and Brilliant Wife is a little more mobile (enough so to get to the bathroom from the bedroom in less than fifteen minutes) but far from up to coping with the kids and the house.

I started back to work at the Greatest Newspaper in the Northwest™ today, just in the afternoons for the time being, so I can stay home until the young 'uns start trickling in from school. So between catching up work, taking care of Christina and fighting the urge to stuff the toddler into a coffee can and have him shipped seventh-class to Madagascar, I've fallen behind at blogging lately. I'll try to get back in the swing of things in the next few days.

Friday, April 07, 2006

She's here!

I have to get back to the hospital, so I'll do this quickly. Mona Grace Martin was born at 10:13 yesterday morning, in a last-minute C-section. Christina's other labors have been fairly long (the last one was 33 hours), and she was scheduled to be induced yesterday anyway, which is why we figured there was time to stop and blog. That, and we're hopeless addicts.

Statistics for the ladies: She weighed 10 lb. 7 oz. (yes, you read that right) and was 20 inches long. Mother and baby are doing fine. Christina will probably be coming home tomorrow, although it could be tonight. Thanks to everybody who prayed!

(Obligatory photo coming as soon as some family member brings a camera to the hospital.)

Thursday, April 06, 2006

And awaaaayyyy... we go!

Looks like this is it. Since labor kicked in with a vengeance at about 3 in the morning, this had jolly well better be it. Actual post with cloying, badly-taken digital photo to follow.